Saturday, December 31, 2011

Say farewell to 2011.

Say farewell to 2011.
As a year, I would give it a 7.
No, not out of 10.
100? Maybe then.
Just hope ’12’ll get the U.S. revin’.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

The residents of a remote isthmus

The residents of a remote isthmus
Know nothing at all about Christmas.
They treat one another
As sister and brother
For an entire year of blissness.

Have a Loving Christmas and a
Peaceful New Year.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

At Christmas, we cruise through the night

At Christmas, we cruise through the night
To wonder at the Christmas lights.
But the light we see least
Is the star in the East,
And, somehow, that just doesn’t seem right.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

We all made it through Black Friday

We all made it through Black Fridayl
Got wrist sprains on Cyber Monday.
The decorating and wrapping;
We faced without snapping.
Just wait till the bills come our way.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

There once was a race called the Mayan

There once was a race called the Mayan
Who amassed knowledge witout really tryin’.
Their studies of space
Claim the whole human race
On 12/21/12 will be diein’.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

You make the call!

In a day of incredible jolts
The Packers lost but not the Colts.
So now, red is green;
Being chaste is obscene,
And Novel prize winners are dolts.

Or . . .

The world has gone completely crackers.
The Colt won but not the Packers.
So now, green is red,
And Wilma is Fred,
And brussels sprouts are the choice of most snackers.

(posted before the Broncos/Patriots game)

Monday, December 5, 2011

The two sides have finally seen reason;

The two sides have finally seen reason;
There will be a NBA season!
Both owner and pro
Will still get his dough,
From the wallets of the fans they are squeein’.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

There’s an upside of sexual harassment

There’s an upside of sexual harassment
(Aside from the progound embarrassment).
If you play your cards right
You could spend the night
With brutish and and crude “without-class-men”.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Stop pestering poor Herman Cain

Stop pestering poor Herman Cain
There’s no need for him to explain
About his lobe affair.
Why should anyone care?
Everybody has sex on the brain.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I pity Ndamukong Suh.

I pity Ndamukong Suh.
His suspension has made him quite blue.
That so-called vicious stomp
Was no more than a romp
(At least when he does it to you).

Monday, November 28, 2011

Our head coach has a first name

Our head coach has a first name,
It’s U – R – B – A – N.
Our head coach has a second name,
It’s M – E – Y – E – R.
We’re all excityed he’ll be hear,
And if you ask us why we’ll cheer,
“’Cause Urban Meyer finds a way
To win ‘most every Saturday.”

I know it’s not a limerick, but I couldn’t resist.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Is Newt soft on illegal immigration –

Is Newt soft on illegal immigration –
A plague upon our great nation?
He’d give “legal status”
To the “long-time-here” stratus,
Which will give the GOP aggravation.

Monday, November 21, 2011

As we celebrate Pre-Christmas Day

As we celebrate Pre-Christmas Day*
We should try to remember the way
The Pilgrims carbo-loaded
‘Til they nearly exploded
Before the first trading post Black Friday.

*Thanksgiving

Monday, November 14, 2011

Penn State and the Catholic Church

Penn State and the Catholic Church
Have left abuse victims in a lurch.
(Aledgely) deflecting
Anyone from deteching
Any truth that might leave them besmirched.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

As these sexual scandals are briwing;

As these sexual scandals are briwing;
Our intrepid news teams are persuing
The “Who did what when?”
Asked again and again
While the victims they all are pooh-pohohing.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

We know three things about Rick Perry

We know three things about Rick Perry
That make his candidacy quite scary;
He somewhat forgetful;
His memory’s regretful;
And, . . . I’m sorry I can’t remember the last one.

Monday, October 31, 2011

The Occupy Wall Street movements

The Occupy Wall Street movements
Are full of anti-business sentiments.
But what puts a carmp
In the sleepover camp
Is it’s financed by their parents’ investments

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Anybody who’s running for Prez

Anybody who’s running for Prez
Must watch out what he or she says.
An unguarded remark
Like a spark in the dark
Lets everyone know where you is.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Tim Tebow was just awful! / great!

Tim Tebow was just awful! / great!
Start him again? No Way!/ Can’t wait!
‘Round the drain he did spin /
‘Til he pulled out the win.
The “True Tim” was “Tim Early” / “Tim Late”.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Our local school system imparts

Our local school system imparts
A less-than-useful kind of smarts
My young neice, Renee,
Has received an “A”
In Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Friday, October 21, 2011

The protest on Wall Street, you see,

The protest on Wall Street, you see,
Is a movement in nativity.
It’s been dubbed by some “smarty”
As a lLeft-wing Tea Party.
But these people aren’t drinking their tea.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Blog Action Day 2011

When most of us head off to bed
We know that we have been well fed.
But many fare never graced
With even the taste
Of Roswqmany and Olive Oil Bread.

If you weren’t hungry today, do something for someone who was.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

We say goodbye to Apple’s Steve Jobs

We say goodbye to Apple’s Steve Jobs
Who brought technology to the mobs.
Like Prometheus
He gave fire to us
Revolutionizing our leisure and jobs.

Rest in Peach, Steve Jobs

Monday, October 3, 2011

A national threat – all in vain –

A national threat – all in vain –
Targeting Capital buildings again
Was a terrorist op
From a hobbyist’s shop:
An explosive-filled model RC plane.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Andy Rooney’s put his eyebrows in hock

Andy Rooney’s put his eyebrows in hock
And has stepped out from behind that big clock.
Poorer will be our nation
Without his weekly observation.
This nonagenarian made Sunday night rock.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

We need a monetary hero

We need a monetary hero
To come in and prop up the Euro.
I am forced to wonder
If Spain and Greece go under,
Where will we get our flan or our gyro.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

My Facebbok friends and I are annoyed

My Facebbok friends and I are annoyed
By the new way our posts are deployed.
Facebook, we don’t need
Help with what to read.
An “opt-out” choice would be enjoyed.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

The GOP brass is discovern

The GOP brass is discovern
The Tea Party might not help them govern.
To achieve your dream
Don’t court the extreme.
Not sure? Just ask George McGovern.

Monday, September 19, 2011

In honor of the Charlie Sheen Roast

In honor of the Charlie Sheen Roast
I propose a well-deserved toast
To outrageous behavior,
Delusions as savior,
And more than one unjustified boast.

Friday, September 16, 2011

“Dancing With the Stars” with Chas Bono.

“Dancing With the Stars” with Chas Bono.
Has a few nut-cases saying, “Oh, no.”
Their problem indeed
Is not, will he lead?
But, the “abomination” that might follow.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

9-11 demonstrated

9-11 demonstrated
Americans were underrated.
But bravery of those
Who chose to oppose
Fear and terror cannot be debated.

In memoriam to the passengers and crew of Flight 93.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

DC Comics, that purveyor of wonder

DC Comics, that purveyor of wonder,
Has torn its universe asunder.
But, is it a joke?
Remember New Coke?
Is it just a grab for the plunder.

Batman roams Gotham with his son.
Lois and Clark’s marriage? Undone.
What is the chance
Of Wonder Woman in pants?
And every book is a “Number One”.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Football is back! 31 football limericks!

I know a young girl in Detroit
Who is much too world wise to exploit.
If you think after dinner
You’ll be lyin’ there in her;
At dodging your pass, she’s adroit.

This woman in Indianapolis
Likes to ride through the countryside braless.
To watch her on her colt
Is not much of a jolt
Because the poor girl is ta-ta-less.

This fellow who lives in New York
Is thought to be a giant dork.
He hands out headsets
On passenger jets.
And claims that it’s challenging work.

There is a young girl in New England
Picks up guys in the bars with her girlfriend.
But no man gets a claim
With a foreign last name.
‘Cause they are patriots to the end.

A forgetful young man in Chicago
Was on the stage playing Iago,
But he was not aware
That waist-down he was bare
Which the audience saw as bravado.

A transvestite living in Cincinnati
Said, “I really not trying to be catty,
“I’ve been guy and been gal,
I guess I’ve seen it all,
And the guy-part is always so ratty.”

An elderly fellow in Cleveland
Wore a button-down shirt with some sleeve bands.
When he tied his brown tie
He thought he would die.
His hands throbbed like you would not believe, man

There was a young girl in Atlanta
Who’ll say anything that she’ll wanta.
It’s falkin’ this and falkin’ that;
Where the falk is my hat.
For sure, she’s getting nothing from Santa.

This woman living in San Francisco
Like to keep track of the men that she . . . you know.
Number 14 was great
As was 78
But 49 . . . er . . . he was so-so.

An East Coaster who moved to Seattle
Said, “My diet is a constant battle.
“Every day I see hawkers
Of hot dogs and tac-ers
I’m afraid that I’ll soon start to waddle.”

There was a young man from Miami
Who fashioned a boat from a chami.
It sank right away
But our boy was okay.
In the dolphin tank at the Aquariuami.

This pretty young wife down in Dallas
Feels trapped in her man’s “Cowboy palace”.
For, she misses her home,
And her kin up in Nome
And the beautiful aurora borealis.

There is this woman who lives in Green Bay
Who likes to make love in a keen way.
She likes to pack ‘er
Air mattress with crackers
‘Cause the crunching makes a much more obscene lay.

The citizens of proud Baltimore
Have Edgar Allen Poe to adore.
The Rue Morgue. The Raven.
The Tell Tale Heart is my faverin.
Forget that great poet? Nevermore

The crazy little women of Kansas City
Are chief among gals who are pretty.
I’m gonna go there
And get me one quite fair.
If I don’t, it’ll be such a pity.

A libidinous woman from Houston
Said, “I’m gonna tell you the truth, son.
You can’t beat the sexin’
You get from a Texan,
Even though they all leave them ol’ boots on.”

My brother down there in Jacksonville
Likes to drive his girlfriend up this one hill
In his bright red Jaguar
Though it’s not a boudoir
She will still go down all the way up hill.

A fellow who grew up in Pittsburgh
Now lives with the Grand Duchess of Hapsburg.
He said, “It’s an art.
To steal ‘er cold heart.
It’s like making love to an iceburg.

This girl I know down in New Orleans
Looks pretty damn good in those jeans.
She says, “S’ain’t no doubt,
“I look better without
‘Em.” I think you know what she means.

A working girl in Tampa Bay
Charges $100 per lay
If that price makes you balk
And you just want to talk,
Just one buck an ear’s what you pay.

Said a mom to her girl in Philadelphia
“Don’t put your love on a shelf, Mia..
“Soar like an eagle,
Be proud and regal.
Not a whore like your sister, Cordellia.

Sweet Lulu LaRue of St. Louis
Was in love with old Doolittle Dewey.
Like a ram with a ewe,
Was old Doo with young Lu.
So, do Doo Dewey do LuLu? Well, do he?

This hooker down in San Diego
Is so hot. You could call her “enfuego”.
But the best part, you see
Is she gives it for free.
Not a charger? Why didn’t you say so?

This elderly man in Carolina
Makes prank phone calls from his reclina.
He’s a raver, a ranter,
A breather, and a panter.
(And you thought the last word was vagina.)

A guy I know in Arizona
Will never have sex with a moana.
You can scream, you can shout,
You can throw things about,
But don’t break the cardinal rule. No bologna!

A jai-alai star in Minnesota
Had moved up North from Sarasota.
“I relish the cold
Like a Viking of old
But I wish I had brought my pelota.”

A young college girl in Denver
Went out on a weekend-long bender.
She woke naked and drunk
On a mechanical bronc.
Oh
! She did not know how long she’d been there.

A well-meaning fellow in Oakland
Met a girl who said, “I am broke, friend.”
She asked him to raid a
7-11 ’frigerata,
And let him get arrested, heartbroken.

A tanning salon clerk in Washington
Said, “I tan with just a g-string on.
So, where my red skin ends
Is where your fun begins.
Yeah, you could think of me as a sure thing, Son.”

This bachelor down in Tennessee
Plies his women with Lynchburg whisky.
He says, “Two shots gets them tight, and
Two more and they might’en
“Get a little more looser and frisky.”

My old friend Bill loves Buffalo
Where it often gets 20 below.
He keeps his hands warm enough
In his wife’s fur-lined muff.
Though, her ass does get cold, don’t you know?

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The dedicated stormophile

The dedicated stormophile
Found CNN more than worthwhile.
They covered New York City
With handsome and pretty
Reorters – 1 every square mile.

Monday, August 29, 2011

There once was a man and his daughter

There once was a man and his daughter
Who awoke in a house full of water.
“It’s too early to swim.”
The girl said to him,
“We should wait of the roof, Dad, we oughta.

Support disaster relief. Go to www.redcross.com.

Friday, August 26, 2011

I’m not a one of those wannabe jocks

I’m not a one of those wannabe jocks
Playing fantasy or Madden X-Box.
My ultimate dream
Fantasy football team
Is Pam Anderson tackling Megan Fox.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hurricanes have the coastliners at bay.

Hurricanes have the coastliners at bay.
Middle East nations have increased the fray.
The presidential campaign.
All are banned from my brain
Will Peyton Manning start on opening day?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Between Palin, and Bachman, and Perry

Between Palin, and Bachman, and Perry,
Mainstream Republicans are quite wary.
Like McGovern before
Hurt the Dems to the core;
And if one of them wins . . . could be scary.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Our post-debt-ceiling-fight calm

Our post-debt-ceiling-fight calm
Was ruined by the S&P stink bomb.
Our markets have lurched
‘Cause no one researched
At freecreditreport(dot)com.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

August 2nd came without a crash.

August 2nd came without a crash.
The two parties have ended their clash.
But the Pres, I believe,
Had a trick up his sleeve –
$2 trillion from Check Into Cash.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Debt Armageddon is looming

Debt Armageddon is looming
With both sides of Congress still fuming.
Will we default?
And just empty the vault?

Sorry, I just can’t decide on the last line, come back on August 2nd.

Monday, July 25, 2011

The two sides have settled their fray

The two sides have settled their fray.
We’ll have football! Hip, Hip, Hooray!
There’s great jubilation
Across the entire nation
‘Cause we’ve got back our cherished Sunday
. . . and Monday and some Thursdays and a couple Saturdays, and don’t forget Thanksgiving.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

They wanted her to go to refab

They wanted her to go to refab;
So she did (nore than once) give it a stab.
Now, at 27
Amy’s gig is in heaven,
Where she’s made it a little less drab.

Rest in Peace, Amy Winehouse.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Let’s hear it for Vincent McMahon

Let’s hear it for Vincent McMahon
The WWE CEO and front man.
He turned playing the fool
Into a corporate tool
Squeezing big bucks from each “rassling” fan.

Friday, July 22, 2011

So, Michelle Bachman can’t be president

So, Michelle Bachman can’t be president
Due to migraines? Is that your dissent?
Franklin Delano
Served with polio.
And he certainly did represent.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Despite views of some sports-talking dopes

Despite views of some sports-talking dopes,
Women’s futbol is not on the ropes.
Nine months after the Cup
We surely will be up
To our ears in young Amys and Hopes.

Monday, July 18, 2011

America’s future is scary

America’s future is scary
When our kids can’t find the library.
The one’s around here
Think that Shakespeare
Is “kinda a white Tyler Perry”.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

They’ve shuttered The News of the World

They’ve shuttered The News of the World
Since the paper’s made the Empire all a-twirled.
If they’d hacked my phone
They’d have found me alone,
With no prospects of becoming a-girled.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Please listen to Christopher Titus

Please listen to Christopher Titus.
His message should serve to ignite us.
;Cause we don’t concentrate
On what made us all great,
We just focus on the detritus.

Watch for the repeat of "Nevelution" on Comedy Central, of get the CD or stand in front of his house until he gives you a free show.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The last space shuttle took off today

The last space shuttle took off today
When it lands, they will pack it away.
Now, how in the ace
Will we get into space?
Hitchhike with the Russkies? No Way!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Our House is split on the debt ceiling

Our House is split on the debt ceiling.
Each side expresses a strong feeling.
One side says, “Let’s raise it!”
The other, “Who pays it?”
When parents fight, we kids go reeling.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ex-governor Rob Blagojevich

Ex-governor Rob Blagojevich
Faces a long prison blogojehitch.
For selling Senate seat;
Thinking his haircut is neat;
And for just being a blogojebitch.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The saxophone will play no more.

The saxophone will play no more.
The Big Man has closed the stage door.
With Clarence in his grave,
We’ll have to behave,
In order t hear the encore.

Rest in Peace, Clarence “The Big Man” Clemons

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Lisa, the hot Ice Road Trucker

Lisa, the hot Ice Road Trucker
Is one gear-jammingg mother figure.
She’s always a booster
Of the endangered rooster.
Yes, she appears to be a cock savior.

Monday, June 13, 2011

The NBA Champs are the Mavericks

The NBA Champs are the Mavericks
Since the Heat played a game quite generick.
It appears the three talents
Performed without balance,
Which make Clevelanders laugn in hysterics.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Representative Anthony Weiner

Representative Anthony Weiner
Has admitted to “sexting” his weiner.
His account wasn’t hacked –
It’s good judgment he lacked.
Which pretty much makes him a weiner.

Some of these just write themselves.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Colonial patriot, Paul Revere

Colonial patriot, Paul Revere,
Rang his bells so the British could hear
That we would be free
And armed, so they’d see,
That they should just run off in fear.

American History according to Sarah Palin

"He who warned uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed." – June 2011

Friday, June 3, 2011

The Republican voters have spoken

The Republican voters have spoken,
Saying all of their leaders are broken.
It seems the candidates
Are simply not great
Enough for an Obama revokin’

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Sarah Palin is out on a tour

Sarah Palin is out on a tour,
Allowing the press to persue her.
They hope she’ll discuss
Something ridiculous,
Something they hope can undo her.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The resignation of Jim Tressel

The resignation of Jim Tressel
Is a great educational vessel.
If you’re given the chance,
Hang on to your pants,
And with the NCAA, never wrestle.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Today is the last show for Oprah.

Today is the last show for Oprah.
How will her millions of fans coprah?
Well, there is O W N,
But, don’t worry my friend,
I hear that she’s running for Poprah.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Bye to Randy Savage, the “Macho Man"

Bye to Randy Savage, the “Macho Man”;
The ultimate wrestling showman.
His clothes made me wonder,
But his voice was like thunder,
And his body was built just like Conan.*

Rest in Peace, Randy “Macho Man” Savage.

*The barbarian, not the comedian.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Regarding the upcoming rapture,

Regarding the upcoming rapture,
I’m not sure I want to be captured.
With the good women gone,
What’ll be going on
In society’s following chapter?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Arnold’s actions at a family kegger

Arnold’s actions at a family kegger
Produced a 10-year-old Swartzenegger.
Ever a survivor,
Wife Maris Shriver
Booted out that big Austrian beggar.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Despite being downplayed by Obama

Despite being downplayed by Obama
CBS is planning a new docudrama
With bin Laden over there
In is favorite chair,
Watching the “New Adventures of Old Osama”.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

There once was a woman named Mary

There once was a woman named Mary
Who thought Friday, the 13th was too scary.
So she crawled back in bed
With pillows over ther head
Where she died of acute aphyxiliary.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

With Cuyahoga-like tears in his eyes,

With Cuyahoga-like tears in his eyes,
LeBron James tried to aplolgize.
But all of the tearies
Came from winning a series
That he couldn’t do with those other guys.

Friday, May 6, 2011

I understand the photo ban.

I understand the photo ban.
It might be too grotesque to scan.
But all that I seek
I one little peek
To see if Lady Gaga is really a man.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

OMG! On my TV receiber,

OMG! On my TV receiber,
Greenberg’s dressed up like Justin Bieber.
And then when he sang,
I had to say, “Dang,
He sounds like a golden retrieber.”

This morning, Mike Greenberg, of Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN Radio, ESPN2, ESPN.com, ESPN for Dunnies, Guitar Hero / ESPN, and Harry Potter and the ESPN Blazer, is costumed as Justin Bieber to pay off a wager made during the NCAA men's basketball tournement.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.
Killed by a shot to the head.
Are we closer to peace,
Or closure, at least?
I'm shooting for hope over dread.

God bless America!

Friday, April 29, 2011

To William and Kate:

Best wishes to you on your wedding.
May God bless the path you are treading.
But since, it appears,
You’re not registered at Sears,
Here’s 5 bucks to put toward a place setting.

Friday, April 22, 2011

There once was a planet called Earth

There once was a planet called Earth
Who’s ecological wonders were dearth.
But if every blog reader
Does something to heed her,
She can regain her beauty and worth.

Celebrate Earth Day -- So something to ssave the Earth

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fox New has cancelled Glenn Beck,

Fox New has cancelled Glenn Beck,
The conservative bersion of Shrek.
His ratings were low,
So they told him to go.
He better not collect a welfare check.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Curses on Mario Batali

Curses on Mario Batali
That Croc-wearing, TV chef pally.
They replaced my soap
With a show for this dope.
Now my TV sits out in the alley.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Donald would like to be Prez,

The Donald would like to be Prez,
At least that what he now says.
But while he’s been railin’
That Obama’s an alien,
On what planet did he get that fez?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The U. S. can meet any threat

The U. S. can meet any threat
But a phone call makes everyone sweat.
“Hello, this is China,
Just a reminda,
You’re past due on the national debt.”

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

“Good Mood Food” is the new Arby’s ad,

“Good Mood Food” is the new Arby’s ad,
And I think it’s incredibly bad.
Because of the situation
At my nearest location;
I’d rather imagine them clad.*

*The girl in the ad says, “We all look the same in the nude.”

Monday, April 11, 2011

There once was a young man named Nelson

There once was a young man named Nelson
Whose addiction just made his life hell, son.
After months of rehab
His friends began to crab,
“You’re not as much fun when you’re well. Son."

from Rabbit, Run by John Updike. 

Yep, were getting all literary on your ass!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

There once was a woman named Janice

There once was a woman named Janice
Who just couldn’t bring any spice
To the marital bed.
She wouldn’t give head,
Saying it was a street-walkker’s vice.

from Rabbit, Run by John Updike

Friday, April 8, 2011

There once was a woman named Ruth

There once was a woman named Ruth
Who told everybody the truth.
When asked her profession,
She said, “Taking confession,
In a bedroom and not in a booth.”

from Rabbit, Run by John Updike

Thursday, April 7, 2011

There once was a fellow named Harry

There once was a fellow named Harry
With a burden he hardly could carry.
A high-school sports star
Reduced to selling cars,
And so self-centered it almost was scary.

from Rabbit, Run by John Updike

Sunday, April 3, 2011

That tiger blood fueled Charlie Sheen,

That tiger blood fueled Charlie Sheen,
Is a winning entertainment machine
Whose roadshow of rage
Got booed off the stage
Before the big redemption scene.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

I don’t really mean to be churlish

I don’t really mean to be churlish
So I’ll mention it without a flourish;
But shades of Dan Quayle –
A comic’s Holy Grail –
Did Sarah Palin really say “squirmish”.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Upon his release, Milton Street

Upon his release, Milton Street
Embarked on an amazing feat.
Just months out of prision,
Persuing his vision
To become Philly’s first Mayor / Tax-Cheat.

T. Milton Street, he former state legislator and brother of former Mayor John Street says he plans to challenge Mayor Nutter in the May 17 Democratic primary election. Milton Street, sentenced in 2008 to 30 months in federal prison for three misdemeanor counts of tax evasion, was released to a halfway house in June and then to supervised release in November. Street said his time behind bars made him more aware of the issues offenders face. He estimates there are 300,000 ex-offenders in the city. He hopes to use them as a political army to confront issues like crime, unemployment and poverty. – Philly.com – February 8, 2011

Sunday, March 20, 2011

There once was a writer named Parker

There once was a writer named Parker
Whose stories are lighter and darker.
Beantown’s favorite son;
Crime scribe number one;
And a top punctuation marker.

Tribute to Robert B. Parker

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Old Western gunmen Cole and Hitch,

Old Western gunmen Cole and Hitch,
Each a sharp-shootin’ son of a bitch,
Are always ready to fight
For what they feel is right,
Going wherever gives them the tich.

Friday, March 18, 2011

There once was a P. I. named Randall

There once was a P. I. named Randall
To whom, very few can hold a candle.
She was charming and tough,
Surely no powder-puff.
There is little that she cannot handle.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

There once was a police chief named Stone

There once was a police chief named Stone
Who started where fast balls are thrown.
This former shortstop
Is one hell of a cop
Who rarely, if ever, sleeps alone.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

There once was a P. I. named Spenser,

There once was a P. I. named Spenser,
Ex-cop, ex-boxer, not a fencer;
A well-read gourmet
Who always saves the day
And makes the Boston bad guys tenser.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Let’s have some cheers all around.

Let’s have some cheers all around.
The government won’t be shut down.
Now, we’ll never see
How great it could be
Without those politicos around.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The electorate is no longer sedentary

The electorate is no longer sedentary
The Tea Party’s got us all hyper-awary;
Up from the grass roots
Giving liberals their boots
As a Fox News wholly-owned subsidiary,

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I beg of you Roger and De

I beg of you, Roger and De
Please, don’t take my football from me.
Messrs. Smith and Goodell,
Without the NFL
I’ll spend more time with my family.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Sunday’s match was anticipated highly,

Sunday’s match was anticipated highly,
With two rivals battling not al all shyly.
Neither side would yield,
But, even on his home field,
Obama lost by a point to O’Reilly.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Let’s hear it for the Green Bay Packers,

Let’s hear it for the Green Bay Packers,
Like burly blacksmiths, like annealers,
Led by Big Aaron
They did it again,
Confirming they’re football’s big wheelers.

Super Bowl XLV
Green Bay Packers - 31
Pittsburg Steelers = 25

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Brett Favre has retired again

Brett Favre has retired again
This time, until God knows when.
He’ll have more time to send
Dirty texts to his friend
And a dramatic comeback to begin.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

McRib, that amalgam of pork,

McRib, that amalgam of pork,
Caused the champagne to uncork.
Since the 4th quarter sales
Has increased into gales
To fill Good Ship McDonald’s jib.

January 24, 2011: Christian Science Monitor - McDonald's Corporation, the world's biggest hamburger fast food chain restaurant, saw 4th quarter 2010 sales and profits rise thanks to the McRib, Caramel Mocha drinks, and some other new items on the menu.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Got the post holiday blues?

Got the post holiday blues?
Here’s a cheer-up plan that can’t lose.
Resolve this, my dear,
That in this new year,
You’re going to stop watching the news.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Condolences to the Fantastic Four,

Condolences to the Fantastic Four,
For the Human Torch, sadly, is no more.
But don’t shed a tear
He’ll be back in a year,
When issue 600 hits the stores.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Miss Manners gave out a big “Yes!”

Miss Manners gave out a big “Yes!”
For the State of the Union address.
‘Cause they saved all the brawling
And nasty name-calling,
Til the next day in the national press.