Sunday, October 20, 2013

If you’re planning any trips for next Jan.,

If you’re planning any trips for next Jan.,
Rethink where you’re taking your clan.
          Cross out National Parks
          Or any U.S. Landmarks,
Because they might be shutdown again.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The government shutdown is through!

The government shutdown is through!
So hurry off to the National Zoo!
          These Congressional freaks
          Have just bought a few weeks.
After that, it will be déjà vu.
 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Relax! Your fears are allayed.

Relax!  Your fears are allayed.
There’s no reason to be so afraid.
          Yes, the government’s closed,
          And the paychecks are froze.
But your Congressperson still will get paid.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

There once was a woman named Natalie

There once was a woman named Natalie
Who as a young girl was too tattlely.
          Now she works every day
          At the damned NSA
Listening in  to our cell phone prattlery.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

CNN and Fox will both shout it

CNN and Fox will both shout it,
“Government Shutdown!”.  But I doubt it.
          But let us suppose
          That they do let it close,
We just might do better without it.

Monday, September 16, 2013

The First Lady almost caused a slaughter,

The First Lady almost caused a slaughter,
But our vigilant reporters caught her.
          Now she will think twice
          Before giving advice,
Like telling us all to drink water.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

9/11 demonstrated

9/11 demonstrated
Americans were underrated.
          But bravery of those
          Who chose to oppose
Fear and terror cannot be debated.
 
In memoriam to the passengers and crew of Flight 93.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Don’t mention that Snowden to me

Don’t mention that Snowden to me.
He’s weakened our security.
          He leaked NSA spying
          So now he is lying
In Russia, the land of the free.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Your world will not be wrecked

Your world will not be wrecked
If a movie Batman is Affleck’d
          If you don’t want to see him,
          Go to a museum.
That’ll show them that they’re incorrect.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

I don’t watch TV like I used to.

I don’t watch TV like I used to.
I don’t like the celebrity frou-frou.
          Fat guys become stars
By repoing cars?
And I cannot abide “Honey Boo Boo”.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Why did the Jersey gov, Chris Christie

Why did the Jersey gov, Chris Christie,
Get his stomach reduced with a twisty?
          Not since William H. Taft
          (As big as a life raft)
Could an overweight candidate persisty.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

To escape from the partisan scoffin'

To escape from the partisan scoffin’
Some Presidents liked to go golfin’.
          But Obama, it seems,
          Likes to hang out with teams
Like the ’62 Miami Dolphins.
 
 
 
After its unbeaten season and 1972 Super Bowl victory, the NFL’s Miami Dolphins did not visit President Nixon in the White House, probably due to the ongoing Watergate scandal.  As the 40th anniversary nears, President Obama has extended a invitation to the team for a White House visit and tour.  Probably just to get another “Obama 1” jersey.
 
 

Monday, August 5, 2013

Say goodbye soon to Alex Rodriguez

Say goodbye soon to Alex Rodriguez
Who used drugs to improve his bodriduez.
         Of course he will appeal,
         But most of us feel
To win out, he’ll need help from Godriguez.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

The next person who asks ‘bout the weather.

The next person who asks ‘bout the weather.
(Be he or she in lace or leather)
          Will receive a hot blast
          Of cold curses surpassed
Only by lightning and hailstones together.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Would Zimmerman kill Travon? Now, would he?

Would Zimmerman kill Travon?  Now, would he?
Could Travon have killed George? Well, could he?
          I really don’t know,
          But if down there I go,
I’m sure that I won’t wear a hoodie.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Twinkies will be on the store shelves soon

Twinkies will be on the store shelves soon.
(Please catch me.  I fear I might swoon.)
          I was going steady
          With that slut, Little Debbie.
Take me back or my life is a ruin.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

I’m tired of watching George Zimmerman.

I’m tired of watching George Zimmerman.
This coverage has be simmermin’
          It’s on every news show
          Everywhere that I go,
Except ads to make me a slimmer man.

Monday, July 1, 2013

In the Victorian Age in America

In the Victorian Age in America
Women often came down with “hysteria”.
          A doctor would ease
          This dreaded disease
With manual stimulation “down theria”* 

*See “How Sex Changed History” on one of those History Channels.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

The National Security Agency

The National Security Agency
Is charged with insuring that we are free.
          But, they need to show
          Why they want to know
How often those girls hang up on me.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

There once was a fellow named Roky

There once was a fellow named Roky
Who led a life some would call rocky.
          He fought mental illness,
          The shocks and a pill mess
But he’s back making music most ROCKY. 

For Roky Erickson of the 13th Floor Elevators, who produced the first great psychedelic rock song, “You’re Gonna Miss Me.”  Put it on your playlist, NOW.

 

Saturday, June 1, 2013

I feel sad for those at Headline News,

I feel sad for those at Headline News,
Suffering from “Post-Arias Blues”.
          Poor Nancy and Drew
          Have nothing to do
But watch Vinnie and Jane read their reviews.

Friday, May 31, 2013

The “Smuggling Mom” has been cleared

The “Smuggling Mom” has been cleared.
Her criminal record is desmeared.
          At last, that old line,
          “I swear it’s not mine,”
Was held up by a judge, and not jeered. 

Sunday, May 26, 2013

There once was a woman named Cindy

There once was a woman named Cindy
Who wanted to race cars at Indy.
         She’s shown to drive well, yet,
She won’t wear a helmet,
Since her hair looks so nice when it’s windy.  

Thursday, May 23, 2013

DC cancelled the Legion and the Knights

DC cancelled the Legion and the Knights.
Out space heroes also said their “Good nights”.
      But, say it aint so . .
      He just got here, you know.
Slicing K’Rot is a terrible slight.
 
DC Entertainment has candelled a few comic book titles due to poor sales;  The Legion of Super-Heroes, a feature introduced in 1958 and published somewhat regularly since the 1960’s; The Demon Knights, a series set in medieval Britain, featuring a number of long-time DC characters; and Threshold, which was a collection of classic characters from DC space-faring comic books, including a new incarnation of Captain Carrot, from DC’s great funny animal series, Captain Carrot and his Amazing Zoo Crew.  Don’t worry, most of the characters will surface in wome other series, probably kissing Wonder Woman.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Go after those IRS drones!

Go after those IRS drones!
Stop the poking at the Tea Party bones!
         We all should stand and plaudit
         A Congressional audit,
But, let those without sin cast the stones.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

TruTV features the World’s Dumbest

TruTV features the World’s Dumbest
With folks whose brains are the numbest.
         Danny, Tanya and Leif,
         And Judy (that waif),
Are there to relieve all the glumbness.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The mightiest human alive

The mightiest human alive,
Superman has turned 75.
         The last son of Krypton
         Proved himself adept in
Insuring the American Way could thrive. 

On April 18th in 1938, Action Comics #1 hit the newsstands, featuring a 13-page story introducing Superman.

Monday, April 15, 2013

There once was a woman named Jess

There once was a woman named Jess
Who worked for the cursed IRS.
         She picked people at ramdom
         And rejoiced to hand ‘em
An invite to auditory stress. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Rest in peace, rapper Snoop Dogg

Rest in peace, rapper Snoop Dogg.
He’s not dead, so don’t stand there agog.
         I swear I’m not lyin’.
         He called himself Lion
With reggae in his rap catalog.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

In gay marriage, he doesn’t believe

In gay marriage, he doesn’t believe
Because there’s no way to conceive.
         “If God didn’t want breedin’
         In the Garden of Eden,
He would have made Adam and Steve.”
 
Thanks to Robb for the idea.

 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The leadership of North Korea

The new leader of North Korea
Has propagandal diarrhea.
         He’s shot off his mouth
About attacking the South,
In hopes of getting a new Kia.

Monday, April 1, 2013

When Anne, a big fan of the Cubs,

When Anne, a big fan of the Cubs,
Goes to Wrigley Field she rubs
         All the bats in the dugout
         Until she gets drug out
To the bull pen to warm up the scrubs.
 
Hey! Hey! Opening Day!
 

Friday, March 29, 2013

I feel sorry for poor Jodi Arias

I feel sorry for poor Jodi Arias
Whose defense is hanging precarious
         Those phone calls and texts,
         Tells me this girl likes sex,
But, maybe, with partners more various.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

You know I will never disparage

You know I will never disparage
Those folks who support same-sex marriage.
         Once a week, all my life,
         It’s “same sex” with my wife,
Since she will not touch my undercarriage. 

Saturday, March 16, 2013

I say hats off to cyclist Lance

I say hats off to cyclist Lance
Who did not win those Tours de France.
         But, to cheat, they all say,
Is the American way.
So proudly wear those fiery pants. 

Sunday, March 3, 2013

The new Yahoo! CEO is a jerk!

“The new Yahoo! CEO is a jerk!
She’s making us all come to work.”
         Such are all the dramas
         Of staffers in pajamas.
Excuse me while I hide a smirk.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Miters* off to the retiring Pope,

Miters* off to the retiring Pope,
That he has a good life, I do hope.
         He should sail the Med Sea,
         Drive a Lamborghini,
Or ski down a pristine Alpine slope. 

*Miter – noun - the official headdress of a bishop in the Western Church, in its modern form a tall cap with a top deeply cleft crosswise, the outline of the front and back resembling that of a pointed arch.  

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

So, the comics have killed off poor Robin

So, the comics have killed off poor Robin
Leaving Batman just broken and sobbin’.
         But tragedy entails
         Phenomenal sales,
So the fans at the shops will be mobbin’.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

They say Danica is on the pole.

They say Danica is on the pole.
I can only say, “God bless her soul!”
         Then I heard she’s no stripper;
Or fire suit unzipper.
Just a girl with first place as her goal.
 

Saturday, February 23, 2013

I keep hearing about this sequester.

I keep hearing about this sequester.
In the words of my good friend, Sylvester,
“Sufferin’ succotash!”
We get by on less cash,
While Congress lets our economy fester.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

The award shows are asking those attending;

The award shows are asking those attending;
(The stars and those just pretending)
         Please keep cleavage subtle
(both boobal and buttal)
To minimize any chance of offending.

Friday, February 15, 2013

The asteroid that zoomed past the moon

The asteroid that zoomed past the moon
Sent us a message; “How ya doin’
         Where’s the black monolith
         That we jump-started you with?
We might need to use it again.”

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Got those boring old vacation blues?

Got those boring old vacation blues?
Try our Ultimate Survival Cruise!
         No toilet. No shower.
         No electrical power.
Make sure you bring sewage-proof shoes.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

There once was a cyclist named Lance

There once was a cyclist named Lance
Who awoke to discover his pants
         Had burst into flames
         Because of his claims
As the cleanest guy in all of France.