There once was a fellow named Mays

There once was a fellow named Mays
A salesman deserving of praise
Now, Heaven looks keen;
Billy brought OxiClean.
No more stains on the angels’ pjs!

Rest in peace, Billy Mays.

The world won’t forget Farrah Fawcett

The world won’t forget Farrah Fawcett
And her hair and how sexy she’d toss it.
Now, an angel’s gone home
But we’re not left alone;
Her poster’s still on the door to our closet.

Rest in peace, Farrah.

There once was a man named McMahon;

There once was a man named McMahon;
The best damn sidekick in the land.
He sure was no slouch
At remarks from the couch.
Now, Johnny has his partner again.

Rest in peace, Ed McMahon

Obama is feuding with Fox News

Obama is feuding with Fox News
Objecting to the venom it spews;
Preferring, you see,
The love of NBC
And Brian Williams with whom to schmooze.

Today, my TVs all went a-flurter

Today, my TVs all went a-flurter
Without any alarmer or alerter.
Why didn’t they tell me
‘Stead of trying to sell me
A useless digital converter.

Hats off to Stephen Colbert

From the Arts and Entertainment page . . .

Hats off to Stephen Colbert
Who went to Iraq on a dare.
He jumped through some hoops
To visit our troops.
And will return with somewhat less hair.

In order to rescue sweet Motown,

From the Financial pages . . .

In order to rescue sweet Motown,
Where Chrysler Corp once wore the car crown
Fiat wants a deal
That’s really a steal
A 3-year lease with no money down.

Randy Johnson is the consummate pitcher,

From the sports department -

Randy Johnson is the consummate pitcher,
His stare turns a slugger into a twitcher.
His 300 wins
Only just begins
To explain how he is no belly-itcher.

I don’t like that TV show, House

I don’t like that TV show, House
With that cantankerous, miserable grouse.
When I watch TV
I don’t want to see
A remarkable clone of my spouse.

The latest firm to go broke is GM

The latest firm to go broke is GM
Which once was the crème de la crème.
Now the folks from OnStar
Call people up in the car
To try and sell “Sham-Wows” to them.

The Prez went to New York with the Missus

The Prez went to New York with the Missus
For a big Broadway show and some (wink) kisses.
His girls, don’t you know,
Had to watch their dog, Bo,
And to keep Biden from acting suspissus.

When we recall the summer of '69

When we recall the summer of ‘69
With Woodstock, drugs and peace signs,
It tends to explain
Why time and again
We meet 40 year old men named Sunshine.

If getting two clocks fixed is your wish

If getting two clocks fixed is your wish
Just head up to Bay City, Mich.
See the great “Clock Shop War’”
As you find door-to-door
Two repair shops being contentish.

BAY CITY, MICHIGAN – May 25, 2009 – The Watch Doctor and the Clock Doctor operate side by side in Bay City, Mich. Owners Jerry Kasper and Lane Westrick spent a decade together fixing watches and clocks, but when Mr. Kasper struck out on his own, he decided to move in right next door. – Associated Press

The President must now do his duty

The President must now do his duty
And nominate a Justice that the moody
Old Congress can OK
Without much delay.
Hey, have you considered Judge Judy?

Global warming is surely a bummer

Global warming is surely a bummer
But I intend to work on it this summer.
Since the methane in these parts
Comes chiefly from cow farts,
I’ll run over some cattle in my Hummer.