Two - A - Days continue -- There is this woman who lives in Green Bay

There is this woman who lives in Green Bay
Who likes to make love in a keen way.
She likes to pack ‘er
Air mattress with crackers
‘Cause the crunching makes a much more obscene lay.

This woman living in San Francisco

This woman living in San Francisco
Like to keep track of the men that she . . . you know.
Number 14 was great
As was 78
But 49 . . . er . . . he was so-so.

Two - A - Days Continue -- A well-meaning fellow in Oakland

A well-meaning fellow in Oakland
Met a girl who said, “I am broke, friend.”
She asked him to raid a
7-11 ’frigerata,
And let him get arrested, heartbroken.

My brother down there in Jacksonville

My brother down there in Jacksonville
Likes to drive his girlfriend up this one hill
In his bright red Jaguar
Though it’s not a boudoir
She will still go down all the way up hill.

Two - A - Days continue -- An elderly fellow in Cleveland

An elderly fellow in Cleveland
Wore a button-down shirt with some sleeve bands.
When he tied his brown tie
He thought he would die.
His hands throbbed like you would not believe, man

A transvestite living in Cincinnati

A transvestite living in Cincinnati
Said, “I really not trying to be catty,
“I’ve been guy and been gal,
I guess I’ve seen it all,
And the guy-part is always so ratty.”

Two - A - Days continue -- An East Coaster who moved to Seattle

An East Coaster who moved to Seattle
Said, “My diet is a constant battle.
“Every day I see hawkers
Of hot dogs and tac-ers
I’m afraid that I’ll soon start to waddle.”

The crazy little women of Kansas City

The crazy little women of Kansas City
Are chief among gals who are pretty.
I’m gonna go there
And get me one quite fair.
If I don’t, it’ll be such a pity.

Two - A - Days continue -- Sweet Lulu LaRue of St. Louis

Sweet Lulu LaRue of St. Louis
Was in love with old Doolittle Dewey.
Like a ram with a ewe,
Was old Doo with young Lu.
So, do Doo Dewey do LuLu? Well, do he?

I know a young girl in Detroit

I know a young girl in Detroit
Who is much too world wise to exploit.
If you think after dinner
You’ll be lyin’ there in her;
At dodging your pass, she’s adroit.

Two-A-Days begin tomorrow!

From the Sports desk -

Last year, we published a series of limericks for all 32 teams in the National Football League over on our sister publication, The International Center for Limerick Studies (http://www.pglimerickcenter.blogspot.com/). Since no one saw them except my immediate family, we will repost two limericks daily, leading up the the opening game of the 2009/2010 season on September 10. Not a football fan? See you on the 11th.

When asked about football, I retort,

When asked about football, I retort,
“I don’t follow professional sports.”
And when you look at
My Detroit Lions hat
I point out they’re an amateur sort.

Need a gift for your pet really quick?

Need a gift for your pet really quick?
The National Football League has just the trick.
What could be better
Than a dark green dog sweater /
(Slash) teplica jersey emblazoned “Vick”?

http://www.nflshop.com/ -- search "pet jersey"

I met today with my “Death Panel”

I met today with my “Death Panel”
‘Bout my allergic reaction to flannel.
If I get much worse
They instructed a nurse
To harvest my brain for Fox News Channel.

Michael Vick has signed up with the Eagles

From the sports desk

Michael Vick has signed up with the Eagles
Having dealt with his punishment legal.
But PETA also will be there
To holler and swear;
While not helping homeless Philadelphic beagles.

You’ve seen at the big health care forums

You’ve seen at the big health care forums
A noticible lack of decorum.
It’s like what went down
On the schoolyard playground,
Where the loudest bullies did all the scorin’

The ecomony, said the President

The ecomony, said the President
Is beginning to show an ascent,
Thanks to an industry –
Economists on TV.
Their ranks are up 15 per cent.

For years, that glamour doll, Barbie,

For years, that glamour doll, Barbie,
Has been dressed for a trip to the Derby.
But the ecomony’s bad,
She’d be better off clad
For working the drive-thru at Arby.

Congressfolk, please do not dawdle

Congressfolk, please do not dawdle
Put dough in the Marital Stimulus pot. It’ll
Give rebates, or course
To finance a divorce
To trade up to a much newer model.