That "ShamWow" guy Vince had to pay

That “ShamWow” guy Vince had to pay
For a fight with a hooker, they say
He wanted sex twice
For only one price.
She said, “We can’t do this all day.”

The national mystery is at last over

The national mystery is at last over.
The Obamas have selected their “Rover”.
If he house-breaks their pet
There might be hope yet
That the Prez can get Congress to roll over.

The Postal Service is honoring Homer

The Postal Service is honoring Homer;
Not the Greek, the Fox network gomer.
The Simpsons on stamps
Might give some people cramps;
Maybe next year for the Illiad’s poemer.

And then of course, there's Bridgette

And then of course, there’s Bridgette
Who certainly is not at all frigid.
Her considerable skill
(And that little blue pill)
Insures that the old troll stays rigid.

Whenever I spend time with Kendra

Whenever I spend time with Kendra
My mind just wants to surrendra.
She’s brought being non-smart
To the level of art,
And I don’t think that she’s a pretendra.

There once was a bimbo named Holly

There once was a bimbo named Holly
Who was always so irritatingly jolly.
But her smile is as real
As her boobs, so I feel,
She’s just like an inflatable dolly.

Hugh Hefner has revived the Bunny

Hugh Hefner has revived the Bunny,
But there’s something I think is quite funny,
The math at my school
Could not provide a rule
That allows 82 to so many times go into 20.

I hate that "Shamwow" fellow Vince

I hate that “Shamwow” fellow Vince
The most irritating pitchman since
That troll Billy Mays
And I’ll scream out “No way”,
If he gets a “Girls Gone Wild” lap dance.

I'm in love with the Pregressive girl, Flo

I’m in love with the Progressive girl, Flo.
I think of her everywhere I go.
If I could just find her store
I’d throw myself on the floor,
And not leave ‘til she gave me a tango.

Here's to the immortal Babe Ruth

Here’s to the immortal Babe Ruth
Baseball’s greatest player, in truth.
No ‘roids or hormones
Those runs were his own
Aided only by 86 proof.

Baseball is back. Can Summer be far behind?

To make our economy strong

To make our ecomomy strong
We must move veteran leaders along,
With their moral lackage
They think the stimulus package
Is a congressional page in a thong.

There once were twin girls named Olsen

There once were twin girls named Olsen
Who were precious, winsome and wholesome.
They turned by some trick
Into fright wigs on sticks
Surviving on cocaine and Molson.

I was sitting in my ice fishing shack

I was sitting in my ice fishing shack
When I was startled by a frightening “Crack!”
Thank God the Coast Guard
Rescued my fat lard
‘Cause the sheriff wanted to throw us all back.

A few months ago, over 100 ice fishermen and women had to rescued from Lake Erie by the Coast Guard, the Ottawa County Sheriff's Department and Fire Department. The sheriff was seen on local and national news ranting about the cost of rescuing these people who were deliverately risking their lives by going out on the ice under unstable conditions. You go, sheriff.

I propose we boycott AIG

I propose we boycott AIG
To protest its bailout funds spree.
I found that I had to squint
To find in the fine print,
"Dishonesty is AIG's policy."

The President flexed his political muscle

The President flexed his political muscle
And GM caved in without a tussle.
He said, “Fire this guy.”
GM said, “Aye, Aye.”
And hired his brother-in-law, Russell.