A U. S. born woman named Bonnie

A U. S. born woman named Bonnie
Had dark features like the Romani.
            At the GOP debate
            A lamb gyro she ate
Which got her labeled an Irani.

Innocents have been murdered again

Innocents have been murdered again
With a strike from a viperous den.
            But the City of Lights
            Will live on through these nighrs.
Nous sommes Parisiennes!

Hey Starbucks! Listen! Get adviced!

Hey Starbucks!  Listen!  Get adviced!
We don’t care if your cups’ overpriced.
            But for Jesus’ sake,
            Bring back the snowflake!
(Which has no real connection to Christ.)

The GOP is in distress

The GOP is in distress
Over “gotcha” questions from the press.
            If they can’t stand the heat
            From the flames at their feet,
Can they deal with Putin and the res’?

There once was a fellow named Petty

There once was a fellow named Petty
Who said that it seemed such a pity     
            That folks of all hue
            Who only watched TV news
Can be molded like just so much putty.

There once was a man named Colbert

There once was a man named Colbert;
Pretending to be full of hot ert.
            When he placed his true self
            On the CBS shelf
He showed there was nothing in thert.

The Supermoon has come and went;

The Supermoon has come and went;
Another fear-causing event.
            I did see a moon,
            That did make me swoon.
Just not the one everyone meant.

An argument against race mixing

I said it to everyone’s faces,
I don’t believe in mixing races.
            Sprinters should run real fast;
            Marathoners to last.
All you athletes should keep to your places.

What happened to Tom Brady’s phone?

What happened to Tom Brady’s phone?
Is it lost?  Did it break?  Was it thrown?
     His last call?  From Gisele,
    Who was giving him hell
For deflation when they’re alone.

There once was an actor named Ian

There once was an actor named Ian
Whose 90210-ness was dyin’.
            So he teamed up with Tera
            In a SyFy scara.
Now the Sharknado franchise is flyin’.

Watch for Sharknado 3:  Oh, Hell No! to be shown repeatedly on the SyFy network.  It will make you feel better about some of the choices you have made in the past.

Superman has good reason to vent.

Superman has good reason to vent.
Everybody knows he is Clark Kent.
            Luthor gave him a shock
            When he bought the whole block
And quintupled Superman’s rent.

Obscure Saturday Night Live reference limerick

When Chris and Pat finally were wed,
Their post on Facebook simply said,
             “There are no invitations
            For closed-minded relations,
We are inviting the Supreme Court instead.”

There once was a fellow named Earl

There once was a fellow named Earl
Who once was a woman named Pearl.
            On the very first day
            He got a raise in pay
Just for letting his pee-place unfurl.

Support EGE -- Economic Gender Equity

The arrests of the top guys at FIFA*

The arrests of the top guys at FIFA*
Should not be beyond our beliefa.
            They developed the knack
            Of handling a kickback
Not like a defenda – a thiefa.

*Sorry, I don’t know that the letters mean.  I don’t speak soccer.

 

It’s National Hamburger Day!

It’s National Hamburger Day!
Throw your better judgment away!
            A single Quarter-Pounder*
            Can’t make you much rounder.
And the waif look is just so passé.

*Quarter-Pounder** is a registered trademark of McDonalds.

**Royale in France.

We see “Happy Memorial Day”

We see “Happy Memorial Day”
Plastered all over Facebook today.
            Remember the price
            Of their sacrifice.
It’s not just a day off with pay.

Remember the heroes Flight 93.

There once was a fellow named Letterman.

There once was a fellow named Letterman.
On TV there just was no better man.
            For so many years,
            Each one of his peers
Has admitted to being a debtor, man.

There once was a computer hacker

There once was a computer hacker
Who said, “I’m an airline attacker!”
            He may be smart as hell,
            But to own up and tell?
Seems to me, he’s a common sense lacker.

There once was a QB named Brady

There once was a QB named Brady
Who everyone knew played it shady.
            This talentless hack
            Just holds the Pats back.
We hope Coach Bill starts thinking trady.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has received a 4-game suspension for having theoretically knows that footballs used in games were slightly underinflated.  Hanging is too good for him!

There was a character named Burns

There was a character named Burns
Who said to his assistant, Smithers,
            “Tell Flanders we're leaving,
            No time for the grieving.
Meet us at the station with Skinner.”

Harry Shearer, voice actor of the above characters and more on the Stimsons, is leaving the long running animated series over a contract dispute.

On this National Day of the Limerick

On this National Day of the Limerick
We offer to you not a Grimerick,
            Not a Slim- or a Trim-,
            Certainly not a Prim-.
From the archives, we present a Quimerick.

From September 28, 2008

“I’m a big margarita,” said Kim,

Pouring tequila in her quim.
            She squirted fresh lime juice,
            All over her cooce
And even put salt on the rim.

May the Fifth is a glorious day.

May the Fifth is a glorious day.
It’ll make your troubles fade away.
            With each margarita
            What was sour is sweeta.
It’s a Mexican St. Patrick’s Day!

There once was a fellow named Herbie

There once was a fellow named Herbie
Who streaked at the Kentucky Derby.
            Sporting a limp scallion,
            Running next to a stallion
Made him feel somewhat less superby.

In one day my bracket was busted

In one day my bracket was busted.
Those TV experts cannot be trusted.
            Their poor analysis
            Has made poor me miss
A payout over which I had lusted.

There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Whose manner was easy to mock.
            While not demagogic
            He promoted pure logic;
And canoodled with a living rock.*

*Star Trek, "The Devil in the Dark"

Rest in peace, Leonard Nimoy.

I just saw that “Fifty Shades of Grey”

I just saw that “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
A surprising film, I must say.
            I thought it might be
            About early TV
When black and white shows ruled the day.

I hear the East Coast has been cursed

I hear the East Coast has been cursed
With snow storms they’re calling “The Worst”.
            Their Wintertime blues
            Are all over the news
Forgetting the Midwest had them first.     

The late night pantheon is changing

The late night pantheon is changing
Requiring some rearranging.
            Dave, Craig, and now Jon
            All suddenly gone?
Can the Jimmies pump us the engaging?

There once was a fellow named Brian,

There once was a fellow named Brian,
A TV news anchor caught lyin’.
            He claimed war heroism.
Folks started to quiz him.
And now he may say some good-byin’.

If a snowstorm should blanket your town

If a snowstorm should blanket your town
Just relax, stay inside, hunker down
            Until the storm’s crested.
The street’s are congested
With all those news trucks driving roun’.       

From working stiffs to billionaires,

From working stiffs to billionaires,
There is no time that causes more swears
            Than the U. S. tax season.
            The primary reason?
THE IRS thinks our stuff is THEIRS.

When dealing with strife ‘tween the races

When dealing with strife ‘tween the races,
It’s worthwhile to try trading places.
            Would the United Tribes
            Enjoy slurs,  jokes and gibes
About the Washington Palefaces.

In a game filled with violent brawls

In a game filled with violent brawls
Played in searing heat and blinding squalls,
            Pro football, they say,
            Played the Patriot way,
Is done so with much smaller balls.

After terrorists struck in Paris,

After terrorists struck in Paris,
Les hommes asked themselves, “Where is
            The American support?”
            Obama came up short.
He might as well have been on Polaris.