The resignation of Jim Tressel

The resignation of Jim Tressel
Is a great educational vessel.
If you’re given the chance,
Hang on to your pants,
And with the NCAA, never wrestle.

Today is the last show for Oprah.

Today is the last show for Oprah.
How will her millions of fans coprah?
Well, there is O W N,
But, don’t worry my friend,
I hear that she’s running for Poprah.

Bye to Randy Savage, the “Macho Man"

Bye to Randy Savage, the “Macho Man”;
The ultimate wrestling showman.
His clothes made me wonder,
But his voice was like thunder,
And his body was built just like Conan.*

Rest in Peace, Randy “Macho Man” Savage.

*The barbarian, not the comedian.

Regarding the upcoming rapture,

Regarding the upcoming rapture,
I’m not sure I want to be captured.
With the good women gone,
What’ll be going on
In society’s following chapter?

Arnold’s actions at a family kegger

Arnold’s actions at a family kegger
Produced a 10-year-old Swartzenegger.
Ever a survivor,
Wife Maris Shriver
Booted out that big Austrian beggar.

Despite being downplayed by Obama

Despite being downplayed by Obama
CBS is planning a new docudrama
With bin Laden over there
In is favorite chair,
Watching the “New Adventures of Old Osama”.

There once was a woman named Mary

There once was a woman named Mary
Who thought Friday, the 13th was too scary.
So she crawled back in bed
With pillows over ther head
Where she died of acute aphyxiliary.

With Cuyahoga-like tears in his eyes,

With Cuyahoga-like tears in his eyes,
LeBron James tried to aplolgize.
But all of the tearies
Came from winning a series
That he couldn’t do with those other guys.

I understand the photo ban.

I understand the photo ban.
It might be too grotesque to scan.
But all that I seek
I one little peek
To see if Lady Gaga is really a man.

OMG! On my TV receiber,

OMG! On my TV receiber,
Greenberg’s dressed up like Justin Bieber.
And then when he sang,
I had to say, “Dang,
He sounds like a golden retrieber.”

This morning, Mike Greenberg, of Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN Radio, ESPN2, ESPN.com, ESPN for Dunnies, Guitar Hero / ESPN, and Harry Potter and the ESPN Blazer, is costumed as Justin Bieber to pay off a wager made during the NCAA men's basketball tournement.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.
Killed by a shot to the head.
Are we closer to peace,
Or closure, at least?
I'm shooting for hope over dread.

God bless America!