When faced with a ‘quake or tsunami

When faced with a ‘quake or tsunami
I would just curl up and cry, “Mommy”.
Thank God the Red Cross,
The Anti-Disaster Boss,
Rushes in without getting all qualmy.

Support disaster relief at www.redcross.org

By mistake, I watched “Regis and Kelly”

By mistake, I watched “Regis and Kelly”
Which left a black hole in my belly.
I so hate complaining
But it was as entertaining
As eating bread with petroleum jelly.

The Winter Games never get old

The Winter Games never get old
I love watching athletes so bold.
All the events are alluring,
Yes, even the curling;
Because I don’t have to go out in the cold.

For those of you Toyota shopping,

For those of you Toyota shopping,
Please heed the info that I’m dropping.
I think it’s quite clear,
The ones that don’t steer,
As as bad as the ones that aren’t stopping.

The swimsuit issue features Brooklyn Decker

The swimsuit issue features Brooklyn Decker
Which unexpectedly woke up my ______/
What once was thought dead
Has raised up its head
And almost became a pants-wrecker.

I am a big fan of the TV show, Lost

I am a big fan of the TV show, Lost
But it comes at a terrible cost.
I suffer brain overload
After each episode
And I stagger around like I’m sauced.

Who would have thought that the mall

Who would have thought that the mall
Would be the site for a 300-kid brawl?.
Just because Chick-Fil-A
Is closed on Sunday,
They must not like Sbarro at all.

Toledo, Ohio -- 2/15/2010 -- Police say around seven last night, two different fights broke out in the mall food court. Nearly 300 kids were involved. Mall officials and Toledo police are still trying to figure out what started it all.

There once was a driver hamed Danica

There once was a driver hamed Danica
Who put NASCAR fans in a pamica.
Now, I must declare
It’s simply not fair
To make her drive a mini-vanica.

By the week after Valentine’s Day

By the week after Valentine’s Day
The flowers have been thrown away
The candy’s been rifled
For truffles and trifles
And she’ll not soon wear that lingerie.

So, here’s to the folks in D. C.

So, here’s to the folks in D. C.
With a snow fall up over their knees.
From what I can tell
The government ran well
With the bureaucrats home watching T V.

Today’s highlight is the NFL Super Bowl

Today’s highlight is the NFL Super Bowl
And my Lions are deep in a bottomless hole.
But my next favorite team
Is the one in New Orleans,
So, “Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez”*

*”let the good times roll.”