There once was a bassist named Bruce

There once was a bassist named Bruce
Who played like his fingers were loose.
            They flew ‘cross the frets
            Weaving blue-tinted nets
That no one else could reproduce.

Rest in Peace, Jack Bruce

There once was a girl with no name

There once was a girl with no name
Who never knew fortune or fame.
            She was not allowed
            To learn how to be proud.
Her femaleness just brought her shame.

Celebrate Blog Action Day.  Bloggers across the globe are writing and talking about “Inequality” today.  Please join the discussion and do some small thing to advance equality today.

There once was a fellow named Jordan

There once was a fellow named Jordan
Who wanted, but could not afford one
            Of those new iPhones
            (Or one of its clones)
That he knew his retailer hoardin’.

There once was a fellow named Prince

There once was a fellow named Prince.
At the Super Bowl, he made some folks wince.
            But he played in the rain
            Of a purplish strain,
And there ain’t been a better show since.

There once was a Burger named King

There once was a Burger named King
Who got a caught in a tax-dodging thing.
            The sent his treasury forth
            To a neighbor up North
Who agreed to tax less of his bling.

Obama wore a light colored suit

Obama wore a light colored suit
Without his crimson tie, to boot.
            Hear the GOP shout,
            “Oh, my God.  Throw him out.”
From a yacht wearing a sailor suit.

CNN said that jean sales are down

CNN said that jean sales are down;
That gals wear yoga pants around town
            Women have gone en masse
            From squeezing their ass-
Ets into pants that too tightly surround.

There once was a man from D.C.

There once was a man from D.C.
Who said this on network TV.
            “Am I a Rep or Dem?
            I’m neither of them.
I came to get thing done, you see.”

The city of Lincoln hosts a college.

The city of Lincoln hosts a college.
Amid the trucks with their corn cob haulage.
            Its alumni is proud
            And will shout out loud,
“Nebraska!  Where the ‘N’ stands for ‘Nowledge’.”

I ask of each son and each daughter

I ask of each son and each daughter
Take a message to those who would slaughter
            Our rivers and lakes
            For pure profits’ sakes.
Tell them, “Keep your hands off our water!”

The Ohio elected officials

The Ohio elected officials
Who did not listen to the whistles
            About the impending doom
            Of the giant algae bloom
Should now be walking about on thistles.

Miss Idaho, who takes no back seat,

Miss Idaho, who take pageant back seat,
In her bathing suit was replete.
            When they said, “What’s that bumb.”
            She said “Insulin pump.
‘Cause the other girls have been so sweet.”

OMG! OMG! Did you hear?

OMG! OMG! Did you hear?
LeBron James is coming back here.*
            The sales of his merch
            Will hit a lofty perch
Since we burned up our old LeBron gear.

 

*Cleveland

 

 

The giant on the U. S. Supreme Court

The giant on the U. S. Supreme Court

Has written a scathing retort.

            Bader-Ginsberg. Ruth,
            While maintaining her couth,
Told some of the Supremes to contort.

If Shakespeare lived in this time and place

If Shakespeare lived in this time and place,
What plays would he write to keep pace?
            Would he present British history,
            Or a “true” murder mystery?
Or Honey Boo Boo meets Nancy Grace?

Doctor! Doctor! I’ve got World Cup Fever!

Doctor!  Doctor!  I’ve got World Cup Fever!
Can you give me some kind of reliever!
            He said, “When we lose,
            You’ll contract World Cup Blues
As you go from believer to griever. 

Go USA Soccer . . . I mean Futbol!

To: The San Antonio Spurs,

To:  The San Antonio Spurs,
The NBA championship is yours.
            So, you could take the Heat.
            How about a repeat?
The spirit of Sam Houston proudly stirs.

There once was a singer named Dido

There once was a singer named Dido
Who’s voice made her listeners sigh so.
            Music fans are fickle
            They left in a trickle
‘Til she woke up and asked, “Where did I go?”

McDonalds has been hit with bad spin

McDonalds has been hit with bad spin;
Did  they cause the obesity were all in?
             I checked out the inside
            And the patrons were wide,
But they were like that before they walked in.

Through the magic of high-tech sci-fi-ness

Through the magic of high-tech sci-fi-ness
Billboard brought back to life His Highness.
            The King of Pop was back
            From the days he was black,
Full of rocktastic surrealistical Whyness.

I love the song “Taurus” by Spirit.

I love the song “Taurus” by Spirit.
I smile every time that I hear it.
            It sets my heart revvin’
            Like a stairway to heaven.
That song is so great, I revere it.

The estate of Randy California, guitarist for Spirit, popular 70s rock band, intends to sue Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin for plagiarism.  They claim that the rock anthem, “Stairway to Heaven” was copied from “Taurus”, a song written by California and performed frequently when the two bands toured todether in the 70s.

Listen to it on YouTube.  You be the judge.

Ever since legal pot’s been deployed

Ever since legal pot’s been deployed
Coloradoans have enjoyed
            A wealthier state,
            A lower crime rate,
And ex-street dealers being unemployed.

If you’re breathing today, thank your Mother

If you’re breathing today, thank your Mother.
That sweet old girl, above any other,
            Made sure you were fed,
            And tucked into bed,
And protected from your older Brother. 

Happy Mother’s Day

In Ohio on the fourth of May

In Ohio on the fourth of May
On a otherwise beautiful day,
            While being tear gassed
            Four kids breathed their last,
Shot to protect the U. S. A.

Remember Kent State

Mr. Sterling, just how do you figure

Mr. Sterling, just how do you figure
An NBA owner would say what you said?
            Your team made you dough,
            But now you must go
And watch the new owners’ profits get quite a bit larger.

 

Go Clippers!

There once was a Lady named Gaga

There once was a Lady named Gaga
Whose act was first described as “CaCa.”
            But a more fitting word
            Should rather be “Absurd”.
After all, she’s the Mama of Dada.

So, Letterman is going away

So, Letterman is going away.
That will be a very sad day.
            How can we exist
            Without a Top Ten List?
Hay, has anyone contacted Jay?

Diane fired a man at work

Diane fired a man at work
Who asked her if she liked to twerk.
            But then an Oxford don
            Put it in the lexicon,
And now she just feels like a jerk.

Batman is 75 years old

Batman is 75 years old.
For a codger, he seems pretty bold.
            I still say Adam West
            Played the Batman the best,
Though his abs made him easy to hold.

So far, I have the perfect bracket.

So far, I have the perfect bracket.
And my friends said I couldn’t hack it.
            But I won’t get one buck
            Because, curse the luck,
It’s sitting at home in my jacket.

The missing Malaysian plane drama

The missing Malaysian plane drama
Plays out over a wide panorama
            Of differing views.
            But, poor old Fox News
Can’t figure how to blame Obama.

There once was a Saint they called Patrick

There once was a Saint they called Patrick
With his ecclesiastical hat trick.
         He converted the rakes,
         He drove out the snakes,
And grew a tall elm from his fat stick

The Supreme Court in Olde Boston Mass.

The Supreme Court in Olde Boston Mass.
Says it’s OK to “upskirt” a lass.
       So, ladies please beware
       What you wear down there.
‘Cause a web page might feature your ass.

 

Keep your eye on Hillary Clinton

Keep your eye on Hillary Clinton
She wears new contacts to stop squintin’.
          For it’s looks over brains
          When a woman campaigns.
So give that hair anti-grey tintin’.

If I was a gay business owna

If I was a gay business owna
Who lived in sunny Arizona
          I would never invite
          Anyone from the Right
Who did not deny his (or her) persona

At last, the Olympic closing rites!

At last, the Olympic closing rites!
NBC will give back out nights.
            No more half-pipe or curling
            Or triple axel trirling
And no more hockey without fights.

The beloved star of the screen

The beloved star of the screen,
Shirley Temple, has wrapped her last sene.
She lives on in our hearts
By mixing three parts
Of soda with one Grenadine.

 

There once was a fellow named Ed

There once was a fellow named Ed –
The “Toast of the Town*” it was said.
         On his “rilly big shoe**”
         He brought me and you
The “Fab Four” and the invasion they led.

*The newspaper column that Ed Sullivan wrote in New York

**How Ed Sullivan pronounced “really big show”

Fifty years ago, the Beatles first appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show and changed American music forever.

Wjen I got “Fifty Shades of Grey”

Wjen I got “Fifty Shades of Grey”
I stopped reading one-tenth of the way.
          It’s not about décor
          For the color-blind, or
A sunglasses ad from Ban Ray.

The weather for Super Bowl Sunday

The weather for Super Bowl Sunday
Was perfect for everyone’s fun day.
          But did Roger Goodell
          By sheer force of his will
Hold back all the snow until Monday?

There once was a fellow named Russell

There once was a fellow named Russell
Who came out on top in a tussle
          With Peyton and friend
          Despite many portends
By using his much maligned muscle.

The teams have sharply honed their tricks

The teams have sharply honed their tricks
And the fans have hotly argued their picks.
          Super Bowl XLVIII
          Just might be so great,
But I’m waiting for Super Bowl XLIX.

I don’t care of this Autotume junk

I don’t care of this Autotume junk;
But I am a big fan of Daft Punk.t
          These helmet-clad heroes
          Turn the ones and the eros
Into post-modern new-lectro funk

I hear that the First Lady is fifty

I hear that the First Lady is fifty.
For an old broad, mature woman, mother of two, national treasure,  she looks pretty nifty.
          Michell Obama
          Is one sexy mama.
With nary a tuckie or liftie.

Whether you like it or not

Whether you like it or not;
Colorado has legalized pot.
          So let’s all migrate
          To the “ Mile-High” state,
The Woodstock Warior’s Camelot.

We say farewell to the “Professor”

We say farewell to the “Professor”
The “Island’s” best knowledge prossessor.
          Mary Ann or Ginger?
          With whom did he linger?
Sadly. He’s not a confessor.
 
R. Il. P. Russll JJohnson, “The Professor” of “Gilligan’s Island”

 

Something appears to be amissty

Something appears to be amissty

For New Jersey governor Christie

A note on his ‘fridge

Says “Let’shut down the bridge”.

Could the gov have acted remissty?