If you’re planning any trips for next Jan.,

If you’re planning any trips for next Jan.,

Rethink where you’re taking your clan.

          Cross out National Parks

          Or any U.S. Landmarks,

Because they might be shutdown again.

The government shutdown is through!

The government shutdown is through!

So hurry off to the National Zoo!

          These Congressional freaks

          Have just bought a few weeks.

After that, it will be déjà vu.

 

Relax! Your fears are allayed.

Relax!  Your fears are allayed.

There’s no reason to be so afraid.

          Yes, the government’s closed,

          And the paychecks are froze.

But your Congressperson still will get paid.

There once was a woman named Natalie

There once was a woman named Natalie

Who as a young girl was too tattlely.

          Now she works every day

          At the damned NSA

Listening in  to our cell phone prattlery.

CNN and Fox will both shout it

CNN and Fox will both shout it,

“Government Shutdown!”.  But I doubt it.

          But let us suppose

          That they do let it close,

We just might do better without it.

The First Lady almost caused a slaughter,

The First Lady almost caused a slaughter,

But our vigilant reporters caught her.

          Now she will think twice

          Before giving advice,

Like telling us all to drink water.

9/11 demonstrated

9/11 demonstrated

Americans were underrated.

          But bravery of those

          Who chose to oppose

Fear and terror cannot be debated.

 

In memoriam to the passengers and crew of Flight 93.

Don’t mention that Snowden to me

Don’t mention that Snowden to me.

He’s weakened our security.

          He leaked NSA spying

          So now he is lying

In Russia, the land of the free.

Your world will not be wrecked

Your world will not be wrecked

If a movie Batman is Affleck’d

          If you don’t want to see him,

          Go to a museum.

That’ll show them that they’re incorrect.

I don’t watch TV like I used to.

I don’t watch TV like I used to.

I don’t like the celebrity frou-frou.

          Fat guys become stars

By repoing cars?

And I cannot abide “Honey Boo Boo”.

Why did the Jersey gov, Chris Christie

Why did the Jersey gov, Chris Christie,

Get his stomach reduced with a twisty?

          Not since William H. Taft

          (As big as a life raft)

Could an overweight candidate persisty.

To escape from the partisan scoffin'

To escape from the partisan scoffin’

Some Presidents liked to go golfin’.

          But Obama, it seems,

          Likes to hang out with teams

Like the ’62 Miami Dolphins.

 

 

 

After its unbeaten season and 1972 Super Bowl victory, the NFL’s Miami Dolphins did not visit President Nixon in the White House, probably due to the ongoing Watergate scandal.  As the 40^th anniversary nears, President Obama has extended a invitation to the team for a White House visit and tour.  Probably just to get another “Obama 1” jersey.

 

 

Say goodbye soon to Alex Rodriguez

Say goodbye soon to Alex Rodriguez

Who used drugs to improve his bodriduez.

         Of course he will appeal,

         But most of us feel

To win out, he’ll need help from Godriguez.

The next person who asks ‘bout the weather.

The next person who asks ‘bout the weather.

(Be he or she in lace or leather)

          Will receive a hot blast

          Of cold curses surpassed

Only by lightning and hailstones together.

Would Zimmerman kill Travon? Now, would he?

Would Zimmerman kill Travon?  Now, would he?

Could Travon have killed George? Well, could he?

          I really don’t know,

          But if down there I go,

I’m sure that I won’t wear a hoodie.

Twinkies will be on the store shelves soon

Twinkies will be on the store shelves soon.

(Please catch me.  I fear I might swoon.)

          I was going steady

          With that slut, Little Debbie.

Take me back or my life is a ruin.

I’m tired of watching George Zimmerman.

I’m tired of watching George Zimmerman.

This coverage has be simmermin’

          It’s on every news show

          Everywhere that I go,

Except ads to make me a slimmer man.

In the Victorian Age in America

In the Victorian Age in America

Women often came down with “hysteria”.

          A doctor would ease

          This dreaded disease

With manual stimulation “down theria”* 

*See “How Sex Changed History” on one of those History Channels.

The National Security Agency

The National Security Agency

Is charged with insuring that we are free.

          But, they need to show

          Why they want to know

How often those girls hang up on me.

There once was a fellow named Roky

There once was a fellow named Roky

Who led a life some would call rocky.

          He fought mental illness,

          The shocks and a pill mess

But he’s back making music most ROCKY. 

For Roky Erickson of the 13^th Floor Elevators, who produced the first great psychedelic rock song, “You’re Gonna Miss Me.”  Put it on your playlist, NOW.

 

I feel sad for those at Headline News,

I feel sad for those at Headline News,

Suffering from “Post-Arias Blues”.

          Poor Nancy and Drew

          Have nothing to do

But watch Vinnie and Jane read their reviews.

The “Smuggling Mom” has been cleared

The “Smuggling Mom” has been cleared.

Her criminal record is desmeared.

          At last, that old line,

          “I swear it’s not mine,”

Was held up by a judge, and not jeered. 

There once was a woman named Cindy

There once was a woman named Cindy

Who wanted to race cars at Indy.

         She’s shown to drive well, yet,

She won’t wear a helmet,

Since her hair looks so nice when it’s windy.  

DC cancelled the Legion and the Knights

DC cancelled the Legion and the Knights.

Out space heroes also said their “Good nights”.

      But, say it aint so . .

      He just got here, you know.

Slicing K’Rot is a terrible slight.

 

DC Entertainment has candelled a few comic book titles due to poor sales;  The Legion of Super-Heroes, a feature introduced in 1958 and published somewhat regularly since the 1960’s; The Demon Knights, a series set in medieval Britain, featuring a number of long-time DC characters; and Threshold, which was a collection of classic characters from DC space-faring comic books, including a new incarnation of Captain Carrot, from DC’s great funny animal series, Captain Carrot and his Amazing Zoo Crew.  Don’t worry, most of the characters will surface in wome other series, probably kissing Wonder Woman.

Go after those IRS drones!

Go after those IRS drones!

Stop the poking at the Tea Party bones!

         We all should stand and plaudit

         A Congressional audit,

But, let those without sin cast the stones.

TruTV features the World’s Dumbest

TruTV features the World’s Dumbest

With folks whose brains are the numbest.

         Danny, Tanya and Leif,

         And Judy (that waif),

Are there to relieve all the glumbness.

The mightiest human alive

The mightiest human alive,

Superman has turned 75.

         The last son of Krypton

         Proved himself adept in

Insuring the American Way could thrive. 

On April 18^th in 1938, Action Comics #1 hit the newsstands, featuring a 13-page story introducing Superman.

There once was a woman named Jess

There once was a woman named Jess

Who worked for the cursed IRS.

         She picked people at ramdom

         And rejoiced to hand ‘em

An invite to auditory stress. 

Rest in peace, rapper Snoop Dogg

Rest in peace, rapper Snoop Dogg.

He’s not dead, so don’t stand there agog.

         I swear I’m not lyin’.

         He called himself Lion

With reggae in his rap catalog.

In gay marriage, he doesn’t believe

In gay marriage, he doesn’t believe

Because there’s no way to conceive.

         “If God didn’t want breedin’

         In the Garden of Eden,

He would have made Adam and Steve.”

 

Thanks to Robb for the idea.

 

The leadership of North Korea

The new leader of North Korea

Has propagandal diarrhea.

         He’s shot off his mouth

About attacking the South,

In hopes of getting a new Kia.

When Anne, a big fan of the Cubs,

When Anne, a big fan of the Cubs,

Goes to Wrigley Field she rubs

         All the bats in the dugout

         Until she gets drug out

To the bull pen to warm up the scrubs.

 

Hey! Hey! Opening Day!

 

I feel sorry for poor Jodi Arias

I feel sorry for poor Jodi Arias

Whose defense is hanging precarious

         Those phone calls and texts,

         Tells me this girl likes sex,

But, maybe, with partners more various.

You know I will never disparage

You know I will never disparage

Those folks who support same-sex marriage.

         Once a week, all my life,

         It’s “same sex” with my wife,

Since she will not touch my undercarriage. 

I say hats off to cyclist Lance

I say hats off to cyclist Lance

Who did not win those Tours de France.

         But, to cheat, they all say,

Is the American way.

So proudly wear those fiery pants. 

The new Yahoo! CEO is a jerk!

“The new Yahoo! CEO is a jerk!

She’s making us all come to work.”

         Such are all the dramas

         Of staffers in pajamas.

Excuse me while I hide a smirk.

Miters* off to the retiring Pope,

Miters* off to the retiring Pope,

That he has a good life, I do hope.

         He should sail the Med Sea,

         Drive a Lamborghini,

Or ski down a pristine Alpine slope. 

*Miter – noun - the official headdress of a bishop in the Western Church, in its modern form a tall cap with a top deeply cleft crosswise, the outline of the front and back resembling that of a pointed arch.  

So, the comics have killed off poor Robin

So, the comics have killed off poor Robin

Leaving Batman just broken and sobbin’.

         But tragedy entails

         Phenomenal sales,

So the fans at the shops will be mobbin’.

They say Danica is on the pole.

They say Danica is on the pole.

I can only say, “God bless her soul!”

         Then I heard she’s no stripper;

Or fire suit unzipper.

Just a girl with first place as her goal.

 

I keep hearing about this sequester.

I keep hearing about this sequester.

In the words of my good friend, Sylvester,

“Sufferin’ succotash!”

We get by on less cash,

While Congress lets our economy fester.

The award shows are asking those attending;

The award shows are asking those attending;

(The stars and those just pretending)

         Please keep cleavage subtle

(both boobal and buttal)

To minimize any chance of offending.

The asteroid that zoomed past the moon

The asteroid that zoomed past the moon

Sent us a message; “How ya doin’

         Where’s the black monolith

         That we jump-started you with?

We might need to use it again.”

Got those boring old vacation blues?

Got those boring old vacation blues?

Try our Ultimate Survival Cruise!

         No toilet. No shower.

         No electrical power.

Make sure you bring sewage-proof shoes.

There once was a cyclist named Lance

There once was a cyclist named Lance

Who awoke to discover his pants

         Had burst into flames

         Because of his claims

As the cleanest guy in all of France.