There once was a cyclist named Lance

There once was a cyclist named Lance

Who awoke to discover his pants

         Had burst into flames

         Because of his claims

As the cleanest guy in all of France.

I’ve recently had an epiph . . .

I’ve recently had an epiph . . .

About the looming fiscal cliff:

         That ideology

         Has become urology,

While we subsist on stale bread and Jif.

There once was a fellow named Golic

There once was a fellow named Golic

Who live a life that was quite apostolic.

      Except in the fall,

      While playing football,

When he was demonic and trollic.

 

Happy birthday, Mike Golic!

There once was a man called Patraeus

There once was a man called Patraeus

Who managed the U.S.C.I.A.us

         Until the F.B.I.

         Caught him playing hai alai

And thought that he might betray us.

It’s a catastrophe most stinky,

It’s a catastrophe most stinky,

We’ve facing the end of the Twinkie.

      The Sno-Ball, the Ho-Ho,

      The Zinger, all a go-go.

I think that I will need a drinky.

Did the Dems pull it out in the clutch?

Did the Dems pull it out in the clutch?

Or is the GOP out of touch?

         And what were we shown

         On our TV and phone?

Do we all hate each other that much?

So, it’s finally Election Day

So, it’s finally Election Day

Let’s stand up and shout out, “Hooray!”

      So, put on your coat,

      Get out there and vote,

And make those phone calls go away.

There’s nothing I like to hear more

There’s nothing I like to hear more

Than the alarm at my grocery store.

         I do so adore it

         Because they ignore it,
Which allows me to steal more and more.

The political debate is absurd.

The political debate is absurd.

Listen to the latest we’ve heard.

         Mitt Romney said, yes,

         He’ll defund PBS.

Not hunt down and murder Big Bird.

Well, how about that Presidential debate!

Well, how about that Presidential debate!

I’m sure you agree, _________ did great.

      He seemed presidential

      Which, of course, is essential.

Not like that _________, the lightweight.

Air travelers on American’s fleet;

Air travelers on American’s fleet;

Take care while selecting your seat.

         You want to make sure

         It’s bolted to the floor,

Or you’ll spend the whole flight on your feet.

I feel bad for my replacement ref,

I feel bad for my replacement ref,

Despite abetting that Seattle thef’.

         He’s out on the street,

         Throwing flags at the feet.

Of jaywalkers and litterers.  What’s lef’?

Too afraid to answer the phone?

Too afraid to answer the phone?

Need a propaganda free zone?

      Call a candidate, then,

      Call again and again,

And tell them to leave you alone.

9/11 demonstrated

9/11 demonstrated

Americans were underrated.

      But bravery of those

      Who chose to oppose

Fear and terror cannot be debated. 

In memoriam to the passengers and crew of Flight 93.

OMG! Football is back!

OMG!  Football is back!

Our Sundays are no longer black!

      So, the zebras are new.

      What’s the worst they can do?

Just please protect my quarterback.* 

*Matthew Stafford – Detroit Lions