There once was a politician named Edwards

There once was a politician named Edwards

Who lured a campaign worker bedwards,

         Which he kept denying

         While his wife lay dieing.

What the hell was wrong with him headwards?

The detectives in Santa Cruz

The detectives in Santa Cruz
Are giving would-be robbers the blues.
` They use calculations
To stop criminalizations.
Hope they con’t get sued by Tom Cruise.

Our marching band has lost i’s drum major.

Our marching band has lost its drum major.
America’s oldest teenager.
But, Dick Clark isn’t gone
While the music lives on,
With a beat we can dance to, I’ll wager.

Consider a nondescript hoodie

Consider a nondescript hoodie.
A kid shouldn’t be afraid of it, should he?
But if what we wear
Can generate fear
How many more will get sent home bloody?

If you’ve got lots of money there, Jack.

If you’ve got lots of money there, Jack.
Invest in your own Super-PAC.
You can buy an election
Like a chocolate confection,
And give to boot to that liberal Barack.

By the week after Valentine’s Day

By the week after Valentine’s Day
The flowers have been thrown away
The candy’s been rifled
For truffles and trifles
And she’ll not again wear that lingerie.

As we celebrate Valentine’s Day

As we celebrate Valentine’s Day
I feel it’s important to say,
A VD present
Should be something pleasant.
Don’t give an STD away.

Since tomorrow is Valentines Day

Since tomorrow is Valentines Day,
A word from the men shopping today,
“The flowers and candy,
The jeselry and brandy,
We buy to find someone to lay.”

There once was a QB named Manning

There once was a QB named Manning
With talent generationally spanning
He’s got roguist charm
And a deadly right arm;
Gving opponents and Afghanistanning.

There once was a QB named Brady,

There once was a QB named Brady,
A cool-as-ice cat, not a ‘fraidy.
As he surveyed the field,
He made his foes yield,
He’s like his own one-man brigadey.

There once was a actress named Marg

There once was a actress named Marg
Who made that CSI show larg.
The timeslot got shredded
By our favorite redhead,
With enough talent to fill up a barg.

In the GOP, Santorum is stealthy.

In the GOP, Santorum is stealthy.
Mitt Romney is sorry he’s wealthy.
And Gingrich feels marriage –
Society’s undercarriage –Should be 1 man and 1 woman who’s healthy.

At the Apollo, the Prez made the sceme

At the Apollo, the Prez made the sceme
By channeling the Rev. Al Green.
The the cats ar Fox News
Started singing the blues
Because there’s no soul in their mein.

Mitt Fohmney put himself in the fire

Mitt Romney put himself in the fire
By sawing how much he loves to fire.
But it’s not that bad
As if, rather, he had
Marched them out, lined them up and yelled “Fire!”

There once was a baby named Blue

There once was a baby named Blue;
Born to a hyper-talented two.
At the age of one day
She’s well on her way
With a 14th place Billboard debut.