NFL Week IV - A transvestite living in Cincinnati

A transvestite living in Cincinnati
Said, “I really not trying to be catty,
“I’ve been guy and been gal,
I guess I’ve seen it all,
And the guy-part is always so ratty.”

Go Lions! Beat Green Bay!

NFL Week III - A forgetful young man in Chicago

A forgetful young man in Chicago
Was on the stage playing Iago,
But he was not aware
That waist-down he was bare
Which the audience saw as bravado.

Go Football!

NFL Week III - This woman in Indianapolis

This woman in Indianapolis
Likes to ride through the countryside braless.
To watch her on her colt
Is not much of a jolt
Because the poor girl is ta-ta-less.

Go Detroit. Beat the Vikings.

NFL Week II - This woman living in San Francisco

This woman living in San Francisco
Like to keep track of the men that she . . . you know.
Number 14 was great
As was 78
But 49 . . . er . . . he was so-so.

NFL Week II - A guy I know in Arizona

A guy I know in Arizona
Will never have sex with a moana.
You can scream, you can shout,
You can throw things about,
But don’t break the cardinal rule. No bologna!

Go Lions! Beat the Eagles!

How did Palin win in Delaware

How did Palin win in Delaware
When we know that she doesn’t live there?
Is it a clone?
A Tea Party drone?
Or Tina Fey on some drunken dare?

There once was a fellow named Garrison

There once was a fellow named Garrison
Whose Mother called him her hairy son.
With a face to be heard,
His passion for the word
Made NPR’s best show “that Prairie one”.

NFL Week I - This fellow who lives in New York

This fellow who lives in New York
Is thought to be a giant dork.
He hands out headsets
On passenger jets.
And claims that it’s challenging work.

NFL Week I - There was a young man from Miami

There was a young man from Miami
Who fashioned a boat from a chami.
It sank right away
But our boy was okay.
In the dolphin tank at the Aquariuami.

Go Lions! Beat the Bears!

NFL Week I - This girl I know down in New Orleans

This girl I know down in New Orleans
Looks pretty damn good in those jeans.
She says, “S’ain’t no doubt,
“I look better without
‘Em.” I think you know what she means.

Football is back.

Rex Ryan, a coach most profound,

Rex Ryan, a coach most profound,
Apparently cannot make a soung
Without saying “____!”
Using it with pluck
As an adjective, adverb and noun.

There was a woman named Lois Mae

There was a woman named Lois Mae
Who sadly is not with us today.
Wife, nurse and mother
Above any other,
To Heaven, she’ll show us the way,

Rest in Peace, Lois MacArthur, beloved Mother.

There once was a fellow named Chuck

There once was a fellow named Chuck
Who was having a bad run of luck.
Losing his job and his girl
Had his balls in a whirl
And all he could say about it was, “Bleep” because he worked at the FCC.

Let’s hear it for Rob Blogojevich

Let’s hear it for Rob Blogojevich
He’s one lucky son of a bitch.
After all of the fervor,
That one hold-out juror,
Drove the government’s case in a ditch.

So, Bristol and Levi will wed.

So, Bristol and Levi will wed.
Well, ain’t that a kick in the head.
Sarah’s so unnerved,
She’s making up words.
Like, “painfulnessly detesticlèd.”