How did Palin win in Delaware

How did Palin win in Delaware
When we know that she doesn’t live there?
Is it a clone?
A Tea Party drone?
Or Tina Fey on some drunken dare?

There once was a fellow named Garrison

There once was a fellow named Garrison
Whose Mother called him her hairy son.
With a face to be heard,
His passion for the word
Made NPR’s best show “that Prairie one”.

NFL Week I - This fellow who lives in New York

This fellow who lives in New York
Is thought to be a giant dork.
He hands out headsets
On passenger jets.
And claims that it’s challenging work.

NFL Week I - There was a young man from Miami

There was a young man from Miami
Who fashioned a boat from a chami.
It sank right away
But our boy was okay.
In the dolphin tank at the Aquariuami.

Go Lions! Beat the Bears!

NFL Week I - This girl I know down in New Orleans

This girl I know down in New Orleans
Looks pretty damn good in those jeans.
She says, “S’ain’t no doubt,
“I look better without
‘Em.” I think you know what she means.

Football is back.

Rex Ryan, a coach most profound,

Rex Ryan, a coach most profound,
Apparently cannot make a soung
Without saying “____!”
Using it with pluck
As an adjective, adverb and noun.

There was a woman named Lois Mae

There was a woman named Lois Mae
Who sadly is not with us today.
Wife, nurse and mother
Above any other,
To Heaven, she’ll show us the way,

Rest in Peace, Lois MacArthur, beloved Mother.

There once was a fellow named Chuck

There once was a fellow named Chuck
Who was having a bad run of luck.
Losing his job and his girl
Had his balls in a whirl
And all he could say about it was, “Bleep” because he worked at the FCC.

Let’s hear it for Rob Blogojevich

Let’s hear it for Rob Blogojevich
He’s one lucky son of a bitch.
After all of the fervor,
That one hold-out juror,
Drove the government’s case in a ditch.

So, Bristol and Levi will wed.

So, Bristol and Levi will wed.
Well, ain’t that a kick in the head.
Sarah’s so unnerved,
She’s making up words.
Like, “painfulnessly detesticlèd.”

They say that the boy scout, Al Gore,

They say that the boy scout, Al Gore,
Is really more like a male whore.
His Inconvenient Truth
Is sleeping with Ruth,
And Margery and Agnes and more.

They claim that the Tea Party is racist –

They claim that the Tea Party is racist –
A spurious claim with no basis,
The signs and the banners
Are simply bad manners,
There’s no hatred. Well, maybe just traces.

The owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers

The owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers
For LeBron James had nothing but jeers
In his overnight letter
(Though he should have know better)
That was liberally stained with his tears.

In the world of competitive eating,

In the world of competitive eating,
Kobiyashi has taken a beating.
He’d been out-dogged by Joe
For 3 years in a row,
So this year he stayed in the seating . . .

. . . where, because of a dispute with Major League Eating over appearance fees, he watched Joey Chestnut win his fourth Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Championship, until he couldn’t take it any more and rushed the stage, where he was arrested for trespassing and for desecrating the sanctity of the annual event.

At the Mets game, Lady Gaga, they say

At the Mets game, Lady Gaga, they say
Showed off her mammary array.
She flashed her high beams
At the opposing teams
To make them hit into a double play.