For years, that glamour doll, Barbie,

For years, that glamour doll, Barbie,
Has been dressed for a trip to the Derby.
But the ecomony’s bad,
She’d be better off clad
For working the drive-thru at Arby.

Congressfolk, please do not dawdle

Congressfolk, please do not dawdle
Put dough in the Marital Stimulus pot. It’ll
Give rebates, or course
To finance a divorce
To trade up to a much newer model.

In Detroit, Tiger golfed with Bob Seger

In Detroit, Tiger golfed with Bob Seger
A gal in the crowd was quite eager
To see them both dance
In their underpants –
That’s Tom Cruise, you drunk Junior Leager!

If I see one more report on Brett Favre

From the sports page

If I see one more report on Brett Favre
My eyes from my head I will cavre.
If he returns to play
I will spend my Sunday
In dry riverbeds cataloging vavre*.

*varve - noun - (in lake sediments) an annual deposit usually consisting of two layers, one of fine materials and the other of coarse. (dictionary.com)

The most trusted newsman in America

The most trusted newsman in America
Is Jon Stewart (pause for hysteria).
The pols don’t want to go
On Jon’s “Daily Show”
To be skewered by his illuminaria.

Jon Stewart is the most trusted newscaster in America, says a time.com click poll of about 9,400 site users taken this week after the death of Walter Cronkite, the longtime CNS news anchor known as "the most trusted man in America."
Steve Johnson – Chicago Tribune – 7/24/2009

It’s 40 years since men walked on the moon,

It’s 40 years since men walked on the moon,
Which I watched, amazed, in my living room.
But wouldn’t you know it,
NASA had no poet;
Or they would have landed in June.

There once was a newsman named Walter

There once was a newsman named Walter
Whose integrity never did falter.
Like that trademark of his
"That's the was it is'"
He was journalism's Gibraltar.

Rest in peace, Walter Cronkite.

They just closed the big cookie stall

They just closed the big cookie stall
At the food court in our local mall.
It will be a sad day
If we lose Chick-Fil-A.
That will portend the end of us all.

The police force up in Clare, Mich.

The police force up in Clare, Mich.
Fulfilled a most unusual wish.
Nine of the local cops
Took over a doughnut shop.
That’s like hiring cats to sell fish.

CLARE, Mich. – July 6, 2009 – Associated Press – The Clare Police Department’s nine full-time employees recently purchased a local bakery . . . newly renamed, “Cops and Doughnuts.”

Now that Jon and Kate’s marriage is through

Now that Jon and Kate’s marriage is through
There are many things that they must do;
Like divide up the kids
And the TLC quids,
And the members of the video crew.

There once was a fellow named Mays

There once was a fellow named Mays
A salesman deserving of praise
Now, Heaven looks keen;
Billy brought OxiClean.
No more stains on the angels’ pjs!

Rest in peace, Billy Mays.

The world won’t forget Farrah Fawcett

The world won’t forget Farrah Fawcett
And her hair and how sexy she’d toss it.
Now, an angel’s gone home
But we’re not left alone;
Her poster’s still on the door to our closet.

Rest in peace, Farrah.

There once was a man named McMahon;

There once was a man named McMahon;
The best damn sidekick in the land.
He sure was no slouch
At remarks from the couch.
Now, Johnny has his partner again.

Rest in peace, Ed McMahon

Obama is feuding with Fox News

Obama is feuding with Fox News
Objecting to the venom it spews;
Preferring, you see,
The love of NBC
And Brian Williams with whom to schmooze.

Today, my TVs all went a-flurter

Today, my TVs all went a-flurter
Without any alarmer or alerter.
Why didn’t they tell me
‘Stead of trying to sell me
A useless digital converter.