Hats off to Stephen Colbert

From the Arts and Entertainment page . . .

Hats off to Stephen Colbert
Who went to Iraq on a dare.
He jumped through some hoops
To visit our troops.
And will return with somewhat less hair.

In order to rescue sweet Motown,

From the Financial pages . . .

In order to rescue sweet Motown,
Where Chrysler Corp once wore the car crown
Fiat wants a deal
That’s really a steal
A 3-year lease with no money down.

Randy Johnson is the consummate pitcher,

From the sports department -

Randy Johnson is the consummate pitcher,
His stare turns a slugger into a twitcher.
His 300 wins
Only just begins
To explain how he is no belly-itcher.

I don’t like that TV show, House

I don’t like that TV show, House
With that cantankerous, miserable grouse.
When I watch TV
I don’t want to see
A remarkable clone of my spouse.

The latest firm to go broke is GM

The latest firm to go broke is GM
Which once was the crème de la crème.
Now the folks from OnStar
Call people up in the car
To try and sell “Sham-Wows” to them.

The Prez went to New York with the Missus

The Prez went to New York with the Missus
For a big Broadway show and some (wink) kisses.
His girls, don’t you know,
Had to watch their dog, Bo,
And to keep Biden from acting suspissus.

When we recall the summer of '69

When we recall the summer of ‘69
With Woodstock, drugs and peace signs,
It tends to explain
Why time and again
We meet 40 year old men named Sunshine.

If getting two clocks fixed is your wish

If getting two clocks fixed is your wish
Just head up to Bay City, Mich.
See the great “Clock Shop War’”
As you find door-to-door
Two repair shops being contentish.

BAY CITY, MICHIGAN – May 25, 2009 – The Watch Doctor and the Clock Doctor operate side by side in Bay City, Mich. Owners Jerry Kasper and Lane Westrick spent a decade together fixing watches and clocks, but when Mr. Kasper struck out on his own, he decided to move in right next door. – Associated Press

The President must now do his duty

The President must now do his duty
And nominate a Justice that the moody
Old Congress can OK
Without much delay.
Hey, have you considered Judge Judy?

Global warming is surely a bummer

Global warming is surely a bummer
But I intend to work on it this summer.
Since the methane in these parts
Comes chiefly from cow farts,
I’ll run over some cattle in my Hummer.

The news reports from Australia say

The news reports from Australia say
The Tasmanian Devil may soon die away.
We must work to refurbish
Our world with this dervish,
As well as the skunk that can parle francais.

CANBERRA, Australia – (Associated Press) - The Tasmania Devil, a snarling fox-sized marsupial, was listed in Australia as an endangered species Friday because of a contagious cancer that has wiped out most of the wild population.

I used to spend like a big wheeler

I used to spend like a big-wheeler
Now my finances need a faith-healer.
But it could be much worse
In a move most perverse,
Chrysler has repo’ed some of its dealers.

The best scientific advancement

The best scientific advancement
Is that pill that promotes male enhancement
To think a placebo
Could jump start libido
Without providing a much larger lancement.

A Christian boy found he could not attend

A Christian boy found he could not attend
The senior prom at the school of his girl-friend
Because of the chance
That the couple might dance
And who knows what that might protend.

FINDLAY, Ohio — An Ohio teenager says he expects to be suspended from a Christian school for attending a public school prom with his girlfriend. -- Associated Press

The DC press dinner featured Obama

The DC press dinner featured Obama
Making jokes, instead of political drama.
His routine drew smiles
From both side of the aisle,
When he hit Limbaugh with a “Yo Momma”.