To William and Kate:

Best wishes to you on your wedding.
May God bless the path you are treading.
But since, it appears,
You’re not registered at Sears,
Here’s 5 bucks to put toward a place setting.

There once was a planet called Earth

There once was a planet called Earth
Who’s ecological wonders were dearth.
But if every blog reader
Does something to heed her,
She can regain her beauty and worth.

Celebrate Earth Day -- So something to ssave the Earth

Fox New has cancelled Glenn Beck,

Fox New has cancelled Glenn Beck,
The conservative bersion of Shrek.
His ratings were low,
So they told him to go.
He better not collect a welfare check.

Curses on Mario Batali

Curses on Mario Batali
That Croc-wearing, TV chef pally.
They replaced my soap
With a show for this dope.
Now my TV sits out in the alley.

The Donald would like to be Prez,

The Donald would like to be Prez,
At least that what he now says.
But while he’s been railin’
That Obama’s an alien,
On what planet did he get that fez?

The U. S. can meet any threat

The U. S. can meet any threat
But a phone call makes everyone sweat.
“Hello, this is China,
Just a reminda,
You’re past due on the national debt.”

“Good Mood Food” is the new Arby’s ad,

“Good Mood Food” is the new Arby’s ad,
And I think it’s incredibly bad.
Because of the situation
At my nearest location;
I’d rather imagine them clad.*

*The girl in the ad says, “We all look the same in the nude.”

There once was a young man named Nelson

There once was a young man named Nelson
Whose addiction just made his life hell, son.
After months of rehab
His friends began to crab,
“You’re not as much fun when you’re well. Son."

from Rabbit, Run by John Updike. 

Yep, were getting all literary on your ass!

There once was a woman named Janice

There once was a woman named Janice
Who just couldn’t bring any spice
To the marital bed.
She wouldn’t give head,
Saying it was a street-walkker’s vice.

from Rabbit, Run by John Updike

There once was a woman named Ruth

There once was a woman named Ruth
Who told everybody the truth.
When asked her profession,
She said, “Taking confession,
In a bedroom and not in a booth.”

from Rabbit, Run by John Updike

There once was a fellow named Harry

There once was a fellow named Harry
With a burden he hardly could carry.
A high-school sports star
Reduced to selling cars,
And so self-centered it almost was scary.

from Rabbit, Run by John Updike

That tiger blood fueled Charlie Sheen,

That tiger blood fueled Charlie Sheen,
Is a winning entertainment machine
Whose roadshow of rage
Got booed off the stage
Before the big redemption scene.