Tuesday, December 29, 2009

At this time, we see a major procession

At this time, we see a major procession
Of best-of-the-decade chat sessions.
But we won;t waste your time
Because, above all, I’m
Just a guy who writes jokes as a profession.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Can the Lions finish 4 and 12?

Can the Lions finish 4 and 12?
I feel it is to early to shelve
The entire season,
When they can still ease in
To the hearts of true fans like myselve.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

There once was a reindeer named Dasher

There once was a reindeer named Dasher
Who consulted a New York haberdasher.
He said, ‘Make me fashionable,
Not normal or rational.
‘Cause I see myself much more panacher.”

There once was a reindeer named Dancer
Who vacationed near the Tropic of Cancer.
She lounged by the pool
Looking sexy and cool
Searching for a buck to romance her.

There once was a reindeer named Prancer
Who wanted to be a break-dander.
The antlers made it rough
So he had them cut off,
Hoping a bald head would be the answer.

There once was a reindeer named Vixen
Whose beauty was very transfixin’
She turned up her nose
At all of her beaux
Whom she led on just to eighty-six ‘em.

There once was a reindeer named Comet
Who asked, “Where’s the island of Guam at?
My stomach’s upset
So I need to get
A balm made of Guam palm to calm it.”

There once was a reindeer named Cupid
Who did something incredibly stupid,
She drank too much grog,
Mulled wine and egg nog,
And got a DUI near Guadelupe

There once was a reindeer named Donder
Who in a past life was a condor.
That might explain why
He soars through the sky,
But the laying of eggs is a wonder.

There once was a reindeer named Blitzen
Who loves New Orleans where she sits in
With a Dixieland band
Playing piano four-hand
While tour groups watch her, kibitzin’

There once was a reindeer named Rudolph
Who is an expert at black-and-blue golf.
In spite of its name,
This reindeer game
Is tame. It’s not quite that rough.

Merry Christmas


Mac

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Enough of that constant Burl Ives

Enough of that constant Burl Ives,
Ran Coniff Gene Autry, Jackson 5.
No Bowie and Bing,
Or that Steamroller thing.
Christmas music gives my ears hives.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Can the Lions go 5 and 11?

Can the Lions go 5 and 11?
If they do,, all will be forgiven.
’09 ins’t great,
But it does beat ’08.
Win out, and we’re heaven driven.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tiger Woods is the butt of some jokes,

Tiger Woods is the butt of some jokes,
But I think it is all a big hoax.
Why would any girl
Give any guy a twirl
Whose goal is to use the fewest strokes.?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Can the Lions finish 6 and 10?

Can the Lions finish 6 and 10?
A worthy goal for these valiant men.
There’s really no reason
To not end up this season
As hot as a bowl os Cayenne.

Go Detroit! Beat the Ravens!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Can the Lions finish 7 and 9?

Can the Lions finish 7 and 9?
To me that, of course, would be fine.
Forget the draft pick
Turn things around quick.
Motown needs a positive sign.

Go Detroit. Beat the Bengals.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Paula Deen was volunteering and – Wham!

Paula Deen was volunteering and – Wham!
She got hit in the face with a ham.
It knocked her clean out,
But she woke with a shout,
“It just needs a bit more marjoram.”

Thursday, December 3, 2009

When Tariq asked Michelle, “What’s for dinner?”

When Tariq asked Michelle, “What’s for dinner?”
She replied, “I’ve a plan that’s a winner.
I’ll put on my red frock,
And, we’ll drop in on Barack”
Now, theyve hired a top PR spinner.